When No News Is Not Good News......

I haven't posted a blog in about a month, so I thought I'd write a quick "ditty" here.  There isn't a lot to say, just that we are still waiting.  You know when you go to the dr and you are waiting for test results.  Your anxiety level is through the roof and your friends and family comfort you by saying, "Well, no news is good news, right?"  This may be true in that circumstance but not in ours.  We haven't heard anything from the Adoption Network yet. 
I did look at our web page for December and it was viewed 46 times.  I was disappointed and said to JP, "It was only viewed 46 times!"  To which he said, "Yes, it was looked at 46 times, that's 46 times, honey."  He is the positive one about this.  I think it should be viewed no less than 60 times each month because that would mean it has been looked at about twice a day.  I need numbers, values and explanations.  He's so laid back that he looks at it like 46 times is better than 6 times.  Then he said, "I wish you couldn't see that so you wouldn't have something else to worry about."  I think he actually meant to say "obsess" instead of "worry" because that's what I'm doing.  I have, however, limited myself to looking at the control panel to check the number of views to twice a month.  I haven't looked at the numbers for January because I'm trying to wait until closer to the middle of the month....you know, so there will be more numbers on there!!
I wish I had something better to report!  I wish I was on here saying we have finally been chosen and we have more information!  I wish, I wish, I wish!!! 
I am a huge fan of the show Private Practice and the episode this past week was about a character who has struggled with infertility and has decided to adopt.  The show depicted her having her homestudy, then the very next day, her lawyer called and said a birth mom wanted to meet with her!  I was sitting alone in the living room and said out loud, "Yeah right!  Like that really happens!!"  Then, after meeting the birth mom and,helping deliver her baby (remember, it's tv) the birth mom decided not to choose her because, despite how awesome she was as a dr. the birth mom was concerned about who would care for the baby while the dr was at work.  Well, it was late, I was tired and that sent my very over zealous mind reeling!!  I couldn't go to sleep because I kept thinking, "What if no one chooses us?  What if we never get a baby?  We think we are pretty great, but what if no one else does?"  This led to a late night of anxiety and not much sleep.  I talked to my bestie about it yesterday and she said, "Stop watching shows like that!!!"  Who knew that one of my favorite programs would send me spiraling into and anxiety ridden, sleeplesss night.....all because I want so badly to be a mommy.
With that said, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps us in your prayers and asks how things are going.  Please don't take offense if I snap at you when you ask if we have heard anything.  My usual answer contains and eye roll, a sigh and a very frustrated, "NO!"  That is not directed to you personally, it's just my feeble attempt to express my high levels of impatience as we wait to hear the wonderful news that we have been chosen to be parents!!!
We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year!  Here's to a year full of change, surprises and happy endings for us all!!!

Numbers for November

Several people have asked how things are going for us, so I thought I would post an update and let everyone know there really isn't much to update.  I checked the control panel for the website that has that feature and saw that that website was viewed 51 times in November.  And, as of December 4, when I checked it, it had already been viewed 9 times in December.  So, we are being "viewed" by someone.
We are in the waiting period, which is so hard for me.  I've tried to keep myself busy with other tasks to try to keep my mind off of it and I have to say that the busy-ness of the holidays has definitely helped!  I did some rearranging and organizing and plan to do more of that soon.  My best friend, Julie, suggested that I complete all projects in my house that are not baby related because once we get that phone call that we have been chosen, I will have a hard time doing anything that isn't baby related, not to mention that when we finally have our precious bundle of joy, I won't have time to do anything like that anyway!  So, I've got big plans to stay busy with organizing and rearranging after the holidays are over.
They told us that the average wait time to be chosen is 4 months after our websites are up and running.  December is month #3, so we continue to wait and hope for that phone call that will change our lives forever!  We thank you so much for thinking of us and praying with us as we make our way through this journey!!

Cheer up

I was feeling pretty down a few weeks ago after a series of events that once again felt like my infertility and lack of ability to conceive was slapping me in the face!  I had sent an email to our adoption consultant, Teri and shared some of my frustrations with her.  I told her I felt like the wet laundry hung out to dry and it has started to rain and had been forgotten.  I just feel forgotten sometimes, like my hopes and dreams of a family and to be a mother have been overlooked, like when you forget to go take the laundry off the line after it started to rain........but of course, Teri had some positive information for me that made me feel a little better.  According to the control panel that tracks usage on one of our websites, it was viewed 78 times in the month of October!!  They like to see pages viewed 60 times a month, which would be around twice a day.  So, we surpassed that goal the first month our websites were live.  That made me feel like at least someone is out there looking at us.
The hardest part of this is the waiting time we are in right now.  When we made this decision to proceed with this, we had so many tasks to complete that I made a list.  After we finished each item on the list, I was able to check it off and feel like we had accomplished something.  When the list was complete, I was so proud of us for all we had done in such a short amount of time, ahead of the schedule they had proposed for us.  But now, there's no list, nothing to check off, no tasks to say we have accomplished.  I am very much a "list" person, so this is almost torture for me, like prisoner of war level of torture!
Now, we are half-way into the second month our websites have been live.  Today is November 17 and as of 2:30 CST, our ANLC website has been viewed 28 times this month!!!  I got tears in my eyes when I just looked that up.  I don't expect anyone to understand what it feels like to have proof that someone is looking at you and deciding whether or not to choose you to be the parents to their baby.  This is such an overwhelming process in so many ways and we have learned so much about ourselves and each other.  I have never been a patient person and this truly isn't helping me, but I will wait FOREVER for my baby!!!

A new perspective....

I received an email today that gave me a new perspective on our journey.  I have spent so much time wanting to be a Mommy and have a child that when we chose to pursue adoption, I felt like this baby, our baby would be the biggest blessing in our lives.  And that was it.  I almost feel like I have been selfish in thinking how our baby would make us so happy and complete our lives.  I had never looked at it from any other point of view until today, when I read the following portion of the email I received from our adoption consultant:

"So a lot of busy work in the beginning and now it is a matter of sitting back, waiting, hoping and praying for your birthmother to come along.

 Again, I really enjoyed your websites.  You are an amazing couple and I respect you tremendously for the commitment you have both taken part in, and that is the journey of saving a child and building your family through adoption.  I am honored to be with you on this journey."

Until now, I had only thought of how this baby would save us, from heartache and emptiness.  I hadn't even begin to think about the loneliness, heartache and sorrow we could be saving this baby from!  I am so humbled, even before we have been chosen, by the idea that somewhere out there is a young woman who is so mature and selfless that she is able to say, "I can't do this.  I can't raise this baby the way I want to.  But I think you can and I trust you to do this well."

If you are a parent, you may say to yourself, "I have no idea how someone could give up their baby!"  Consider this, our birthmother loves our baby so much, she is willing to give him or her to us and allow them to have the opportunities she would never be able to give them.  What an amazing and precious gift!!  We are all going to be given the unique chance to "save each other"!!

Addresses for our web pages....

We have looked over our web pages and are so pleased!  I have the links to the pages below, if you would like to see what they have done for us.  Once you go to the web pages, the best way to find us is to search by region and just look for us!!  We know for a fact that our web site on Adoption Network has been viewed 21 times this month!!  That is so exciting!!!!
So, if you have a few minutes, take a peek and let us know what you think!

AdoptionNetwork.com, CourageousChoice.com, AdoptionSpacebook.com and TheAdoptionFoundation.com

Web pages are up!!!

I got an email yesterday that our web pages are up and running!  We are live on 4 websites that are marketed to birth mothers for chosing adoptive families.  I have decided not to post the links to those websites on this post because Jon hasn't had a chance to see them yet and I'd like for him to see them before people who read my blog.  No offense, but I think it's kind of important for him to have a first peek!
I am so excited that these are finally up and available.  On one of the websites, we have the capability to track how many people have viewed the site.  As of this morning, that particular site had been viewed 5 times already today!!  That is so wonderful!!!  Of course, we have no way of knowing if the viewers are actually birth moms but at least we know there is someone out there looking at us already!!!
So, now we just wait..........if you know me, I'm not a good waiter!  I'm trying real hard to stay patient and positive as we wait for our baby!
Thanks for thinking of us as we make our way through this together and thanks for following along with us.

133 is better!!

We got an email last Friday, on our anniversary, from the media dept at the Adoption Law Firm saying they received our pictures and were able to use them to complete our websites.  They told us to expect it to take 2-3 weeks for the websites to be up available for viewing and we can't make any changes to the web pages for 3 months.  I'm assuming we can send them newer pictures if we have some that we take and feel like they can be used.  I, for one, am over it!!  I don't plan on having another photo shoot for a loooong time!!!  I'm sure JP won't have his feelings hurt if he doesn't have to do that again, either!!
We have received all of our background clearances and submitted our completed home study, so now, we are truly and completely "waiting to be chosen"!  I look forward to hearing from them when they have our web pages up and running so we can take a peek at them.  Pending my approval, I may attach the links to the pages in a blog post for everyone else to see.
On a funny note, I have been doing some "research" about baby things.  Since we know we are having a baby, it's just a matter of when, I thought I would do some browsing.  My mother has been ever so gently pressuring me to pick out a "theme" for our nursery so she can get busy on her next grandbabies quilt!  So, I picked out a unisex crib set and showed JP.  Bless his heart, he thought the price tag was for the entire nursery, furniture and all, not just the crib set!  He really has no idea, does he?!  Well, that got me thinking, just exactly how much does nursery furniture cost?  As it turns out, it's not cheap either!!!  Originally, I had said I wasn't going to buy anything because I didn't want to have a nursery set up and then, God forbid the worst happens and we come home without a baby to fully decorated nursery.  That seems so "Lifetime Movie" and I didn't really want to have to deal with that.  But, I have decided that waiting until we have been away from home for at least 2 weeks and dealing with the expenses that will incur will probably not be the best time to go shopping for everything you need in a baby's room.  So, I told JP we should go ahead and get the stuff for the nursery and just have it.  We don't have to set it all up but if we have it, then when we get home, we can put it all together or even while we're gone if I know my besties and my mother!!  So, the plan is to slowly shop for those necessities from now until then but save all the fun stuff for the baby showers that we will have after we are all home!
Several people have asked me lately how things are going, so I thought I would update the blog and share all of the latest information with all of our faithful supporters!