At my appointment today, my RE told me that due to the results of my AMH levels, she did not recommend we proceed with in vitro. She suggested we use donor eggs, if this is the avenue with which we wish to proceed. I was in complete shock! I was totally devastated and could not believe what I was hearing!! She basically told me that my dream of having my own child was not going to happen.
She asked if donor eggs is something I would consider and I tearfully replied, "I really want to have my own baby." She then went on to say that she could talk with the other doctors in the practice and see if they would agree to allow us to proceed, then let us know. She felt that she was ethically responsible for ensuring we are aware that our chances for success are lower based solely on this particular lab value.
My dear friend went with me, thank God, and she was prepared to drive me home. We were in the car, headed back home and I was talking on the phone with Jon, telling him what the dr said when my call waiting beeped. The dr. called me herself to say that the other doctors agreed to allow us to proceed since I am an established patient with a history of a successful pregnancy. We then turned right around and went back to have the original tests done that I was scheduled for.
In just a matter of minutes, I was given the worst possible news for our desire to have a family, then to be told, "nevermind, come on back"....the range of motions I experienced in that short of time are so hard to describe!! I went from devastation to elation with anxiety, sadness and fear all in between!!
I had to wait a little while for the tests since I got put on the end of the list, which was fine with me, given the circumstances. After doing a baseline ultrasound for measurements, the dr. did a uterine measurement which is extremely uncomfortable and causes cramping. This is a guide for determining how far to insert the catheter when transferring the embryos later.
She then proceeded to the SHG, which is a saline ultrasound that measures uterine fibroids and causes HORRIBLE cramping!! Apparently, I forgot to breath for a bit and had what is called a "vasovagal response" which means I almost passed out and got sick! Such a traumatic day for me, body and soul!! Of course, I had to rest for a bit before I could get up and dressed, but I feel fine now.
I have decided I am going to remain positive throughout this journey and not second guess what happens. Since this level has never been tested on me before, it's quite possible that has been part of the reason for my infertility all along. There's really no way of knowing this for sure, but I feel like it makes sense. I also think that the dr wanted to make sure that we are aware of the decreased expectations and not be surprised when I don't make 15 eggs.
So, this is why today has been a roller coaster ride for us. I'm praying that this is the end of the extremes for us. I know this will not be easy, I just pray I have the strength to deal with this, day by day, or in today's case, minute by minute.
No comments:
Post a Comment