Another lesson learned.....

Today was another opportunity for me to learn the very difficult lesson of patience.  Nicole had a doctor appointment scheduled for 8:30 this morning, which was 10:30 our time.  I was anxiously awaiting a report all day from either Nicole or Cynthia, our adoption advisor.  I was disappointed to get a text from Nicole this afternoon that said she over slept and missed her appointment but it was rescheduled for the 18th!!!!  That's 6 days away!!!!  I was so anxious to get more information about the baby and the delivery that I was awake at 4am thinking about it.  It has been a long time since I have lost this much sleep over something!!!
I was even more disappointed that she was so irresponsible that she didn't make it to her appointment.  I emailed Cynthia and shared my frustrations and she reminded me that Nicole isn't the kind of responsible like I am or she wouldn't be in this situation.  She also shared with me that this is normal behavior for girls who are giving their baby up for adoption.  Their level of committment to having prenatal care is different than that of a woman who is pregnant and having a family by choice.
So, I began breathing deep and created a mantra that I basically chanted to myself and occassionally out loud.  "I am not in control of this.  Not everyone does things the way I do.  It will be fine."  I literally said this about 75 times today trying to talk myself down from the ledge of fear and doubt that I have worked so hard to stay away from!  If I was pregnant, you better believe I would never miss an appointment.  If I was pregnant, I would be sure to get early prenatal care.  If I was pregnant, I wouldn't need someone like Nicole, who has made a few irresponsible decisions, so I can have a family.
So, today's lesson is this, I have waited this long, what's a few more days.  As long as this baby is healthy, I will do everything in my power to make sure he or she is happy.  Health, happiness and safety, what more does a child need?  I will continue to wait and pray for this baby and Nicole as I have done since the hour I received that wonderful phone call.
Oh and just fyi, 5 weeks from today is the due date.......as my niece Emma says, "I so cited!!"