And there were 11.........

Today's appointment went so well!  My nurse found 6 follicles on my right ovary, most fairly large and 5 more on my left ovary!!!  I was shocked and the nurse was also surprised!  Some of the follicles on the left were smaller in size, but for my ovaries to have responded in this way is simply amazing!! 
Now, what you need to know is that not every follicle will have an egg inside it.  I would imagine that some of the smaller follicles, especially in the left, will be empty.  The nurse said that several of the follicles on the right looked good, which was encouraging to me.
I can not get over the fact that there are 11 follicles!  When we did this the first time, 2 years ago, I only had 9 follicles which became 6 eggs at "harvest time".  I was fully prepared to have fewer follicles this time.  In fact, I prayed as I waited for the nurse to come in and do the scan and asked God for 5-7 follicles.  I feel so blessed!
The nurse said at this point, the plan is to proceed with egg retrieval on Wednesday.  I will go back Monday for another set of labs and a another scan to monitor my follicles and verify that we will be doing egg retrieval on Wednesday.  When they retrieve the eggs, I will be sedated, like a surgery.  They use a needle vaginally to aspirate the eggs from the follicles in the ovaries.  I will be on bed rest for a few days after, to recover from the surgery. 
When they remove the eggs, they will fertilize them with the sperm immediately.  They directly fertilize the eggs by injecting the sperm into each egg.  The embryologist will call me that afternoon to tell me how many eggs have been successfully fertilized.  They will then call me every day after that to let us know how many eggs "make it" from one day to the next.
At day 5, the embryo is known as a blastocyst.  This is when they will transfer the embryos back into my uterus.  In nature, the embryo reaches the top of the uterus at day 5, and research has shown that tranferring the embryos at day 5 is most successful.  I will be on bed rest again for a few days after embryo transfer, just to relax and allow the embryo(s) to "dig in" and get attached.
Our pregnancy test will be 8 loooooong days after transfer!!   It's the longest week of my life, waiting to take that pregnancy test!
I will continue to post as I get updates and information, but I thought I would give you a glimpse of what the next couple weeks are going to be like for us.  So far, I really don't feel terrible.  I'm very uncomfortable because of the bloating from my ovaries making so many eggs, but I'm not complaining!  I'll take this uncomfortable feeling as long as necessary if it means I will get to have a baby!

Tuesday's results....

I went for my first set of labs to verify that the fertility drugs are working like they should.  Both my progesterone and estradiol have risen significantly to indicate my ovaries are responding appropriately, thus far.  In fact, my doses will be decreased after Thursday night's injections, which I take as good news.  If my ovaries weren't responding correctly, they might have to increase my medications, but since the dr is having me decrease the meds after Thursday, that means I'm right on track!
I go Friday morning to have my next set of labs drawn and my first ultrasound to check and see how many eggs I am making.  I'm getting so excited!  I told my friend who rode with me today that I have accepted that I'm not going to make a dozen eggs but I'm still hoping for at least 6, which is how many I had the 1st time we did this.  Positive, positive, positive, that's how we're thinking!
I told Jon last night that I had to be responding to the meds because I feel bloated already.  When the nurse called to give me my new instructions, I told her I felt like I've drank 5 2 liter bottles of soda!  She thought that was funny!  I may have to break out the stretch pants sooner than I thought! LOL

Here we go!

I started the fertility shots this evening.  I was prepared to feel overwhelmed and get anxious about it, so I started getting everything together about 15 minutes before it was time to give myself the shots.  I had to give myself 3 shots, total, in my belly which included 4 medications.  After the first 2 shots, I told JP that I wasn't sure I'd be able to give myself the 3rd.  I looked in the living room where he was sitting in his chair and saw him covering his eyes with his hands!  I said, "What are you doing?"  To which he replied, "Honey, I can't watch you do that!"  Who knew this big, tough country boy would wimp out on me over this!!!!
Hopefully, he will get over this pretty quick because it may be a long 2 weeks if I have to give myself all of these shots on my own!!  I'm fine when I'm aiming the needle at someone else, but there's something unnerving about having to hurt yourself.  I'm completely fine with someone else giving me my shots.  I may have to enlist the help of a nurse friend to get through these shots in my abdomen!
My next appointment is Tuesday when I will just have labs drawn.  I'm not looking forward to driving 4 hours just to have my blood drawn, but that's just part of the deal and we knew that going into this deal.  The results from Tuesday's test will determine whether or not the dr will need to increase any of the medications I'm taking.  I will know by Tuesday afternoon and then I will have to order more medication to get through the rest of the week.
I'm excited and nervous as we move along in this process.  I'm ready to make some eggs!!!

Today's update.....

The suppression scan went well today.  My ovaries are "quiet" which means the meds I've been taking are working.  Now we move onto the stimulation phase, which means I start injections tomorrow morning.  I will start a medication called lupron tomorrow, with injections twice daily, 12 hours apart.  Then Sunday night, I will start the 2 fertility drugs, along with a low dose hcg injection and the lupron.  This will mean I will have 1 injection in the morning and then 12 hours later, 3 injections of fertility hormones in the evening, along with the steroids and baby aspirin.
When we started this journey 2 years ago, I remember having all the medications spread out on the dining room table and being so overwhelmed that I cried!  I told Jon that it was a huge responsibility to have the potential life of our child resting in my hands, hoping I can keep all this straight.  Being ever supportive, he simply said, "Honey, you're a nurse.  You do this everyday.  You are definitely smart enough to get all this right."
I have ordered all the medication that I need to get through Tuesday, when I have my next appointment for labs.  After we get the results, they will let me know if I need to adjust any dosages, then I will order the rest of the meds.
I don't feel as overwhelmed this time as I have in the past, but maybe that's because I've done this before and know what to expect.  I also think a lot of my anxiety was related to never having given myself shots before and I'm kind of a professional at it by now!  So far, all of these injections will be in my abdomen, which hurts less than the ones in my hip.  They still hurt, just not as much.  And, I can give myself shots in my belly.  I'm not brave enough to try shots in my hip on my own!
So, here goes nothing!  Tomorrow we move to the next level and start preparing my body for making eggs!  I think it's funny that this is happening at Easter!!!!

hmmmmmmm.......

So, I awoke today to several voicemails from fertility pharmacies and my hubby.  I guess they didn't have my phone number listed as the primary number, so they called him to set up payment and delivery for the medications I have to start this weekend.  The problem with that is, because of HIPAA laws, they can't tell him anything except that they need to speak with me "regarding a personal matter".  Needless to say, he was worried because the RE and the pharmacies had called him but wouldn't tell him anything.  This whole process can be so nerve racking that even a mix up with phone numbers can cause you to be upset! 
After I got all the meds ordered.....and paid for, they will be delivered in time for me to start my injections Friday.  I have an appointment tomorrow for my suppression scan, which is done to ensure that the meds up to this point have suppressed my system so it can be SUPER stimulated!!  If everything looks ok on the ultrasound tomorrow, I will start some of the injections Friday then the others on Sunday.  So, look out!!  I am about to be pumped full of hormones and steroids!!
I always get nervous before an appointment because so much rides on how well things go.  I'm having trouble winding down so I can go to bed tonight.  Plus, these steroids really mess with my sleep habits.  I haven't slept all night since I started them and if you know me at all, you know that usually once I'm asleep a tornado can't wake me, to quote my mother!  I'm not complaining though because I know all of this is leading to a good result.  I am maintaining my positive attitude and pray almost constantly.  In fact, I realized I was praying today while I was painting the trim in the dining room! I guess there are far worse ways to allow my mind to wonder, right?
Thanks to everyone for your prayers for us throughout this journey.  We definitely need it!!  Especially after I start all these injections....

Today's roller coaster ride....

At my appointment today, my RE told me that due to the results of my AMH levels, she did not recommend we proceed with in vitro.  She suggested we use donor eggs, if this is the avenue with which we wish to proceed.  I was in complete shock!  I was totally devastated and could not believe what I was hearing!!  She basically told me that my dream of having my own child was not going to happen.
She asked if donor eggs is something I would consider and I tearfully replied, "I really want to have my own baby."  She then went on to say that she could talk with the other doctors in the practice and see if they would agree to allow us to proceed, then let us know.   She felt that she was ethically responsible for ensuring we are aware that our chances for success are lower based solely on this particular lab value.
My dear friend went with me, thank God, and she was prepared to drive me home.  We were in the car, headed back home and I was talking on the phone with Jon, telling him what the dr said when my call waiting beeped.  The dr. called me herself to say that the other doctors agreed to allow us to proceed since I am an established patient with a history of a successful pregnancy.  We then turned right around and went back to have the original tests done that I was scheduled for.
In just a matter of minutes, I was given the worst possible news for our desire to have a family, then to be told, "nevermind, come on back"....the range of motions I experienced in that short of time are so hard to describe!!  I went from devastation to elation with anxiety, sadness and fear all in between!!
I had to wait a little while for the tests since I got put on the end of the list, which was fine with me, given the circumstances.  After doing a baseline ultrasound for measurements, the dr. did a uterine measurement which is extremely uncomfortable and causes cramping.  This is a guide for determining how far to insert the catheter when transferring the embryos later.
She then proceeded to the SHG, which is a saline ultrasound that measures uterine fibroids and causes HORRIBLE cramping!!  Apparently, I forgot to breath for a bit and had what is called a "vasovagal response" which means I almost passed out and got sick!  Such a traumatic day for me, body and soul!!  Of course, I had to rest for a bit before I could get up and dressed, but I feel fine now. 
I have decided I am going to remain positive throughout this journey and not second guess what happens.  Since this level has never been tested on me before, it's quite possible that has been part of the reason for my infertility all along.  There's really no way of knowing this for sure, but I feel like it makes sense.  I also think that the dr wanted to make sure that we are aware of the decreased expectations and not be surprised when I don't make 15 eggs.
So, this is why today has been a roller coaster ride for us.  I'm praying that this is the end of the extremes for us.  I know this will not be easy, I just pray I have the strength to deal with this, day by day, or in today's case, minute by minute.

Anxious...

I have had a hard time sleeping the last couple nights in preparation for this appointment today.  I'm so glad I have a friend going with me for support!  I just can't shake the feeling that it will be bad news.  Staying positive is so much easier said than done, I know.
I did talk with my PCP yesterday and he shared some insight with me that I hadn't thought of yet.  He was funny because he said, "You know how this goes."  To which I replied, "When I'm in this section of my life, I'm not a nurse.  I'm just the crazy lady who wants a baby!"  He reminded me that in the circumstances when a lab value directs the course of treatment, it is the physician's responsibility to share that with the patient in order to communicate risks vs. benefits for the plan of treatment.  Like I said, I know all this, but it all completely goes out the window when it comes to me dealing with my infertility!
I have prayed so much in the last couple days, asking God to help us through this portion of the journey.

Unexpected news....

My nurse at the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) called today to say that one of my lab levels was abnormal.  This was quite a shock since I have been communicating with her several times in the past two weeks regarding labs, meds and schedules and I have not heard anything negative.  Apparently, my AMH, which is a hormone used to determine "ovarian reserve" is incredibly low for someone of my age.  This is a fairly new test used by RE's as a guide for invitro planning.  As far as I know, this is the only value that is not within the normal limits range.
The nurse said that the Dr. wants to "meet with me before we proceed any further" so since I already have an appointment Thursday afternoon for tests, I will be meeting with her first before we do any further testing or measurements.
The tone of the conversation was unsettling because it sounded to me like the nurse was saying that since this level is so low, we may not be proceeding with an invitro cycle.  She was very apologetic, like when you deliver bad news to someone.  I have a lot of questions about this and I do not understand how this could have been overlooked until now.
My mom says not to "borrow trouble" and my bestie says this could just be an opportunity for the dr. to lay all the cards on the table and make sure that I am aware of the possibilities for an unsuccessful cycle, just to cover her bases, so to speak.  I'm trying very hard to remain positive right now.  This will definitely be a VERY long wait until Thursday when I meet with the Dr. to find out what the plan is.
I'm so bummed because it seems like every time I get good news about something, it is immediately followed by bad news over something else!!  The phone call from the nurse came about an hour after my mom let me know that my dad had a great report from the dr. today.  Whenever I hear good news, I feel like I'm waiting around for the other shoe to drop........

Save the date.....

I got my schedule from the nurse for when I will be having labs and ultrasounds (scans) and the dates for egg retrieval and embryo transfer.  At this point, we are scheduled to have the egg retrieval on May 5 then embryo transfer on May 10.  Between now and then, I will have several labs done to monitor my hormone levels throughout the process.  Depending on those results, the dr will decide if we are ok to move on to the next step.  In the past, we have had results that weren't what they should have been, so we had to start over.  At the time, I thought that was devastating, but I now know that if everything isn't "just perfect", there's no point in moving on because the process would not be successful. 
This whole process can sometimes seem so surreal.  Since this is our 3rd time doing this, I'm almost a professional at the whole thing.  But I still get emotional and nervous when I think about the amount of responsibility that is placed on me while we go through this.  JP is super supportive and doesn't complain much, despite my moodiness and well, let's just call it plain craziness!  It can be so overwhelming when I look at the calendar from the dr. and see how many things I have to do each day just to prepare my body for this journey.  Just when I think I have come to terms with my infertility, I start to feel sorry for myself and wish I could just accidentally get pregnant, like so many others do.
Maybe that's why I decided to start this blog for this round of our journey.  I feel like I have an outlet to vent without being judged.....thanks for your support!!!

Getting started....

My labs were great!  Yeah!!  Our nurse emailed and said everything looks great and she will send me the calendar tomorrow for medications, labs and dr. appointments.  I am getting excited!  I'm not necessarily looking forward to giving myself shots or being uncomfortable, but I am looking forward to starting our family.  I just know this is it!  This is our time!!!  Keep the prayers coming!  We need all we can get!!

New Beginning

We have decided to start another portion of our fertility journey.  We will have our first set of labs drawn today for another round of in vitro.  As exciting and nerve racking as this whole process can be, we are ready to have a family of our own, whatever it takes!
Thanks for sharing in our journey to building a family!