Well, since my last blog, I have spent a wonderful vacation in Myrtle Beach with my family celebrating my Grandma's 80th birthday! We had a wonderful time and I miss them already!! While I was on vacation, Nicole went to her ob appointment and was given a good report. Both Nicole and the baby appear to be healthy and right on track according to our adoption advisor, Cynthia. I am anxiously awaiting the official report from the Dr which I should be receiving soon.
Nicole is scheduled to have an ultrasound tomorrow in which they are hoping to determine the sex of the baby. We aren't holding our breath on that being possible because, let's face it, there isn't much room left for the baby to move around and cooperate in order to visualize that area. After all, we only have 3 weeks left until the due date!!!
We got an email yesterday from Adoption Network with a copy of the letter they have sent to the hospital where the baby will be born. We are to take this letter with us to the hospital in order to assist in the process of us bringing the baby home. We also got a pretty thick package from our lawyer at Adoption Network explaining all of the legalities of our adoption. I told JP last night that those 2 documents have made this feel so real for me. It's not that I wasn't getting myself emotionally and mentally prepared all this time, but to see those things in print just made me take a breath and think, "We are having a baby in 3 weeks!!"
We also had a little discussion about the things we need to get taken care of in the next 3 weeks before we leave. JP was very accommodating to my requests but then again, I've been gone for 10 days, so it's quite possible he would have said "OK" to just about anything I asked for yesterday!! His work has slowed down a bit and he isn't working as much over time, so we have a "schedule" that we are going to try to keep as far as checking some of those things off our list before we go.
I talked with Cynthia the other day to verify that we don't have to appear in court while we are out there and had a few other questions for her. She said that the ICPC (the legal pathway for us to come home to Missouri) has been moving quickly in the several months. This was excellent news!! She said she didn't want to give us a specific time frame so we wouldn't be disappointed but that she fully expected us to be able to come home within a week from our discharge from the hospital. As you can imagine, that made JP very happy!!!
I've been getting this question frequently, "Aren't you afraid she will change her mind?" I find this to be a rather ridiculous question.....of course I'm afraid she will change her mind. Just like a pregnant woman is afraid of a miscarriage or trauma during child birth. No one asks a pregnant woman, "Oh my gosh, aren't you afraid you will have a miscarriage?" or "Oh my, you know there is a risk of cerebral palsy with a traumatic birth, don't you?" I struggle every minute with the fear and doubt that this process brings. When others bring that up so freely, I quickly fall back into that emotional down hill spiral of asking myself, "what if she changes her mind?"
This journey has given me an unbelievable opportunity to educate people and allowed me to share information with people that they may not have had the chance to learn otherwise. I have also learned a lot about myself and we have grown in our relationship. What I know and what we have discussed with each other at length is that we have always had a "good feeling" about this adoption opportunity. I wouldn't be human if I didn't have doubts, just like any other expectant mother. But we truly believe in our hearts that this is our baby and Nicole has chosen us to be the parents for all of the right reasons.
So, for now, we will look forward to tomorrow when Nicole will have her ultrasound and see what that shows. We will continue to pray for Nicole and our baby. And we can't thank you all enough for caring so much about us, this wonderful experience and wanting to share it with us. In less than a month we will have a baby!!!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Another lesson learned.....
Today was another opportunity for me to learn the very difficult lesson of patience. Nicole had a doctor appointment scheduled for 8:30 this morning, which was 10:30 our time. I was anxiously awaiting a report all day from either Nicole or Cynthia, our adoption advisor. I was disappointed to get a text from Nicole this afternoon that said she over slept and missed her appointment but it was rescheduled for the 18th!!!! That's 6 days away!!!! I was so anxious to get more information about the baby and the delivery that I was awake at 4am thinking about it. It has been a long time since I have lost this much sleep over something!!!
I was even more disappointed that she was so irresponsible that she didn't make it to her appointment. I emailed Cynthia and shared my frustrations and she reminded me that Nicole isn't the kind of responsible like I am or she wouldn't be in this situation. She also shared with me that this is normal behavior for girls who are giving their baby up for adoption. Their level of committment to having prenatal care is different than that of a woman who is pregnant and having a family by choice.
So, I began breathing deep and created a mantra that I basically chanted to myself and occassionally out loud. "I am not in control of this. Not everyone does things the way I do. It will be fine." I literally said this about 75 times today trying to talk myself down from the ledge of fear and doubt that I have worked so hard to stay away from! If I was pregnant, you better believe I would never miss an appointment. If I was pregnant, I would be sure to get early prenatal care. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't need someone like Nicole, who has made a few irresponsible decisions, so I can have a family.
So, today's lesson is this, I have waited this long, what's a few more days. As long as this baby is healthy, I will do everything in my power to make sure he or she is happy. Health, happiness and safety, what more does a child need? I will continue to wait and pray for this baby and Nicole as I have done since the hour I received that wonderful phone call.
Oh and just fyi, 5 weeks from today is the due date.......as my niece Emma says, "I so cited!!"
I was even more disappointed that she was so irresponsible that she didn't make it to her appointment. I emailed Cynthia and shared my frustrations and she reminded me that Nicole isn't the kind of responsible like I am or she wouldn't be in this situation. She also shared with me that this is normal behavior for girls who are giving their baby up for adoption. Their level of committment to having prenatal care is different than that of a woman who is pregnant and having a family by choice.
So, I began breathing deep and created a mantra that I basically chanted to myself and occassionally out loud. "I am not in control of this. Not everyone does things the way I do. It will be fine." I literally said this about 75 times today trying to talk myself down from the ledge of fear and doubt that I have worked so hard to stay away from! If I was pregnant, you better believe I would never miss an appointment. If I was pregnant, I would be sure to get early prenatal care. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't need someone like Nicole, who has made a few irresponsible decisions, so I can have a family.
So, today's lesson is this, I have waited this long, what's a few more days. As long as this baby is healthy, I will do everything in my power to make sure he or she is happy. Health, happiness and safety, what more does a child need? I will continue to wait and pray for this baby and Nicole as I have done since the hour I received that wonderful phone call.
Oh and just fyi, 5 weeks from today is the due date.......as my niece Emma says, "I so cited!!"
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Details..........
I thought I would do a quick update to answer some of the questions a few of you have posed to us. First and foremost, let me start by saying that the past couple of weeks have been so completely overwhelming! I have gone from totally crazy, freaking out because we don't have anything to just sobbing tears of joy that we are finally going to have our family. We have both had "our moments" to freak out over this and, as those of you who know us well are already aware, we each react totally different to most situations and this is no exception! The one thing we have in common is that neither of us are sleeping well and we both seem to always have a stomach ache now.
So, back to the common questions part......yes, we will be going to California in July to be there when our baby is born. Nicole has specifically asked that we are there when the baby is born and she has also stated that she wants me to be the first person to hold the baby. She has said that she does not want to see or hold the baby but I am prepared for her to change her mind when that day comes.
We have no way of knowing how long we will have to stay in California because both Missouri and California have to agree to let us come home, according to some special law about interstate adoption. They have told us to be prepared for 2-3 days after discharge from the hospital but that it could be up to 2 weeks. That part is kinda scary for us both but I think it will give us the opportunity for all 3 of us to get to know one another without any interference. Plus, it was recommended to us by the social worker that the first couple of weeks be just the 3 of us anyway to promote bonding. if we're in California, we won't have to say to anyone, "Go away, we need alone time." :-D
Nicole has another child and her reason for giving this one up is simply that she is aware that she can not support another child and she would like to go back to school and be a role model for her son. I think that knowing one's limits is a very couragous thing and this gal knows that if she keeps this baby, they will stay in the system and neither of the kids will have anything.
We have been in touch with Nicole ever since the phone call when we met her. She usually sends me a text every day, sometimes just asking what we are doing. The other night she asked what we were doing and I replied, "feeding our cows." She asked to see a picture and you know how much I love taking pics of those crazy beasts, so I had one right handy to send her!!
She has also said, more than once that she loves us and is glad to have us in her life. I had a brief moment of doubt and panic the other night and told Jon that I just can't help thinking that she can change her mind and there's nothing I can do about it! Not having any control over this situation is driving me crazy!! But, as my Grandma told me, early Monday morning when I couldn't sleep, "Honey, you are just going to have to give this to the Lord. You can't live in fear for the next couple of months." So, I'm trusting that this is right and this is where we are supposed to be and trying to stay calm and not panic........
After the baby is born, Nicole will be able to surrender her parental rights once she is no longer under any influence of medications from delivery. At that point, we will have legal custody of the baby and the only thing we will wait on is the approval to come home. All of the legal stuff will be taken care of in California and we will not have to return for that. A lawyer will deal with all of that for us, thankfully. Once parental rights are surrendered, Nicole can't "change her mind". That window is closed. The adoption will become final and we will celebrate "Forever Day" about 9 months later. We will have obligations that both the state of Missouri and California will require us to complete in that time frame by meeting with a social worker.
I will also be able to take maternity leave, just like I was having a natural child. I'm pretty excited about this! And I think it's pretty great that I have a few friends with babies close to the same age, so they will all grow up together!! What a group that will be!!!!
I can't tell you how humbled we have been the past couple weeks. I always knew that people were praying for us and wanting this to happen, but I didn't realize how many until we got the news and made it public. So many people have congratulated us and offered to do things for us while we are out of town. We are blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity and to have such a wonderful support system of so many people who love and care for us!!!
So, back to the common questions part......yes, we will be going to California in July to be there when our baby is born. Nicole has specifically asked that we are there when the baby is born and she has also stated that she wants me to be the first person to hold the baby. She has said that she does not want to see or hold the baby but I am prepared for her to change her mind when that day comes.
We have no way of knowing how long we will have to stay in California because both Missouri and California have to agree to let us come home, according to some special law about interstate adoption. They have told us to be prepared for 2-3 days after discharge from the hospital but that it could be up to 2 weeks. That part is kinda scary for us both but I think it will give us the opportunity for all 3 of us to get to know one another without any interference. Plus, it was recommended to us by the social worker that the first couple of weeks be just the 3 of us anyway to promote bonding. if we're in California, we won't have to say to anyone, "Go away, we need alone time." :-D
Nicole has another child and her reason for giving this one up is simply that she is aware that she can not support another child and she would like to go back to school and be a role model for her son. I think that knowing one's limits is a very couragous thing and this gal knows that if she keeps this baby, they will stay in the system and neither of the kids will have anything.
We have been in touch with Nicole ever since the phone call when we met her. She usually sends me a text every day, sometimes just asking what we are doing. The other night she asked what we were doing and I replied, "feeding our cows." She asked to see a picture and you know how much I love taking pics of those crazy beasts, so I had one right handy to send her!!
She has also said, more than once that she loves us and is glad to have us in her life. I had a brief moment of doubt and panic the other night and told Jon that I just can't help thinking that she can change her mind and there's nothing I can do about it! Not having any control over this situation is driving me crazy!! But, as my Grandma told me, early Monday morning when I couldn't sleep, "Honey, you are just going to have to give this to the Lord. You can't live in fear for the next couple of months." So, I'm trusting that this is right and this is where we are supposed to be and trying to stay calm and not panic........
After the baby is born, Nicole will be able to surrender her parental rights once she is no longer under any influence of medications from delivery. At that point, we will have legal custody of the baby and the only thing we will wait on is the approval to come home. All of the legal stuff will be taken care of in California and we will not have to return for that. A lawyer will deal with all of that for us, thankfully. Once parental rights are surrendered, Nicole can't "change her mind". That window is closed. The adoption will become final and we will celebrate "Forever Day" about 9 months later. We will have obligations that both the state of Missouri and California will require us to complete in that time frame by meeting with a social worker.
I will also be able to take maternity leave, just like I was having a natural child. I'm pretty excited about this! And I think it's pretty great that I have a few friends with babies close to the same age, so they will all grow up together!! What a group that will be!!!!
I can't tell you how humbled we have been the past couple weeks. I always knew that people were praying for us and wanting this to happen, but I didn't realize how many until we got the news and made it public. So many people have congratulated us and offered to do things for us while we are out of town. We are blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity and to have such a wonderful support system of so many people who love and care for us!!!
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