So, I have spent the last two days cleaning like the Queen of England was coming over! All you ladies our there know that there are different kinds of cleaning. There's the close friends are coming over so you straighten things up a bit kind of cleaning. There's the family is coming to town so we better clean this house cleaning. And then there's the kind of cleaning that takes place when a social worker is coming to your house for a home tour as part of your home study process for adoption! This is the kind of cleaning that your husband will participate in, voluntarily!!!! And for all of you who are wondering, yes, the kitchen is put back together, finally!
The home tour was pretty painless, really. We gave the social worker a tour of the house, which didn't take long. By the way, she thought our new patio was pretty cool! Then we sat down at the table to answer a few of the necessary questions about our home's value, our neighbors and neighborhood, the school district and safety issues. She was super friendly and we are so glad she was able to come help us with this portion of our home study. She will type up her review and send it on to Hillary, our social worker who did our home study. This will be included in the final document that will be presented to the judge.
Now, we are going to seriously work on getting all of our pictures taken for the web profiles. I decided it would be best for us to take things one at a time, so now that we have done everything we need to for the home study, we can move on to the next thing. The sooner we get our pictures taken and submitted, the sooner they can make our web profiles and of course, the sooner we can be "picked" by a birthmother.
We are excited to move on through this process!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Home study, check!
After 2 days, 8 hours of driving and A LOT of talking, the interview portion of our home study is complete. It was nothing like we expected, which is a good thing. It was mainly a question/answer type situation that was rather enlightening for us both. At times, it was emotional but there were also moments of light hearted laughter, just like life!
The next step is our "home tour" which is basically a description of our home and neighborhood to be completed by a local social worker. We hope to get that done soon so we can officially say this portion is complete. I have basically compartmentalized this process, in that, I've decided we need to get complete a step then focus on the next. There is so much that is required from us that I was feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to complete the home study so we can focus on the media portion of our marketing process. So you guessed it, I will be toting my camera everywhere waiting to capture a shot of us, smiling of course!!
Once we have all of our pictures ready, we can send them to the media department for them to create our web profile to be viewed by birthmothers. These will be one of the ways a birthmother will be able to learn about us. We are excited about getting this part of the process going. The sooner we have our web profiles made, the sooner we are going to be out there for a birthmom to see us and then pick us!!!
Thank you for being a part of this journey with us!
The next step is our "home tour" which is basically a description of our home and neighborhood to be completed by a local social worker. We hope to get that done soon so we can officially say this portion is complete. I have basically compartmentalized this process, in that, I've decided we need to get complete a step then focus on the next. There is so much that is required from us that I was feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to complete the home study so we can focus on the media portion of our marketing process. So you guessed it, I will be toting my camera everywhere waiting to capture a shot of us, smiling of course!!
Once we have all of our pictures ready, we can send them to the media department for them to create our web profile to be viewed by birthmothers. These will be one of the ways a birthmother will be able to learn about us. We are excited about getting this part of the process going. The sooner we have our web profiles made, the sooner we are going to be out there for a birthmom to see us and then pick us!!!
Thank you for being a part of this journey with us!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Busy Week
I've been busy gathering all the information needed for our Home Study process. The name is actually deceiving since we will not be spending much time at our home for this interview. We will be spending all day Wednesday and then again Thursday morning with a woman who specializes in this type of situation. Her name is Hillary and she has been very supportive and easy to deal with so far. She has responded quickly to any of my emails and has even offered solutions to help us keep costs down. For example, the actual "home tour" must be done by a licensed social worker. She offered to allow someone locally come to our home for this portion of the study to save us from having to pay her travel time. She then informed me that our local social worker can assist with the post-placement visits that are required once we have brought our baby home. I thought that was so cool because very few people in this process, either with fertility treatments or the adoption experience, have offered suggestions to keep costs down for us.
So, this week we will be going to Overland Park to visit with her. I asked a couple of my friends who have been through this what we should expect. Apparently, we are going to spend the better part of 2 days talking about our childhood, how we were raised, why we chose to adopt, etc. etc. As you can imagine, we are real excited about this. I've told a few people already and I'm sure I'll say it again, if everyone had to go through all this before they became parents, there would definitely be fewer kids on this earth!!!
In preparation for this Home Study, we had to gather a lot of information. Everything from a letter from our bank, stating we are responsible account holders, to FBI background and fingerprinting. It's truly unbelievable! If that weren't enough, we also have "assigned reading" that we are to complete. I have so far successfully completed 1 of the 3 books that are required. I was feeling very overwhelmed this evening as I was checking over the list to make sure we have everything, you know, while I'm cooking supper and trying to figure out when I'm going to have time to put up my sweet corn and green beans. But, I talked with a couple of my good friends and they reminded me to just breathe. So, I'm taking a breath, putting my thoughts down for all to see and trying to keep my perspective. In the end, none of this will matter. We will have a baby and will forget all about the required letters from employers, copies of tax documents, birth certificates, marriage license, divorce decree, letters of recommendations and required reading. We will have our sweet baby in our arms and paperwork will be the last thing on our minds!!!
So, this week we will be going to Overland Park to visit with her. I asked a couple of my friends who have been through this what we should expect. Apparently, we are going to spend the better part of 2 days talking about our childhood, how we were raised, why we chose to adopt, etc. etc. As you can imagine, we are real excited about this. I've told a few people already and I'm sure I'll say it again, if everyone had to go through all this before they became parents, there would definitely be fewer kids on this earth!!!
In preparation for this Home Study, we had to gather a lot of information. Everything from a letter from our bank, stating we are responsible account holders, to FBI background and fingerprinting. It's truly unbelievable! If that weren't enough, we also have "assigned reading" that we are to complete. I have so far successfully completed 1 of the 3 books that are required. I was feeling very overwhelmed this evening as I was checking over the list to make sure we have everything, you know, while I'm cooking supper and trying to figure out when I'm going to have time to put up my sweet corn and green beans. But, I talked with a couple of my good friends and they reminded me to just breathe. So, I'm taking a breath, putting my thoughts down for all to see and trying to keep my perspective. In the end, none of this will matter. We will have a baby and will forget all about the required letters from employers, copies of tax documents, birth certificates, marriage license, divorce decree, letters of recommendations and required reading. We will have our sweet baby in our arms and paperwork will be the last thing on our minds!!!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
It's a new day.....
I haven't posted anything on here in well over a month. My Grandma taught me that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". So, I chose to stay quiet, so to speak. After a while, I did have something to say, but wasn't sure how to say it. Today I visited with a friend on facebook and told her that I think I'm ready to share again and I'm pretty sure I know what to say now, also.
After the last negative pregnancy test, I felt lost. I had believed that our time was finally here and when that wasn't the case, I didn't know what to think. We had a lot of quiet time around our house as we both searched to find our way out of the despair that surrounded us.
As you may know, that was our last chance at in vitro. My RE said we could do in vitro again but only with donor eggs. That means we could attempt to have a fertilized embryo that was not genetically mine, then transfer it into my uterus for me to carry. At first, I was totally for that option. My sister had offered to give us her eggs, so I thought, "Why not?" Jon was not comfortable with it, at all from the beginning. I felt like this was our only chance and would be that only way for me to carry a pregnancy. What a tremendous gift for my sister to even offer to us. But after much discussion, we decided against it. There were just too many factors to consider and the bottom line is that this is not just my decision to make. I have to consider my husband's thoughts and feelings as we make our way down this path. I want a child and I want to be a family but not at the expense of my marriage.
So, that left us with adoption, which is what we have decided to do. We have enlisted the services of an adotion law firm who has guaranteed us a baby. Now, of course, you have to keep in mind there are risks with this route, as well. Each state has it's own laws regarding infant adoption, which is a reason I felt using a law firm would be most beneficial to us. There will be no question whether or not all aspects of this will be legal. But in the end, we will have a baby and we will be a family.
The people we have dealt with so far have been amazing! We have spent a few hours on the phone with them in conference calls as we discuss the process and how things will work for us. At this point, we are waiting to compile our profile for birthmothers to view. This profile will be marketed on several web sites in order for us to be as marketable as possible. Because this law firm deals with birthmothers nationwide, the wait time is significantly less than if we had chosen to go through and adoption agency, who can only deal within the state they are licensed. Once our profile is complete, the average wait time to be chosen by a birthmother is 4 months, which is so exciting!!
As always, there is a fine, thin, grey line between being positive and realistic. There is always a chance, in this type of adoption circumstance that the birthmother could change her mind. However, because these birthmothers are provided with extensive couseling, the rate of success is extremely high. This is yet another reason I felt like this law firm was right for us.
We will start our home study process in a couple weeks, which is required for all adoptions. I have visited with a couple people who have been through the home study themselves and feel like I have a good idea what to expect. And yes, I know that we need a fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink!!! (That is required to complete the home study, fyi.)
As we discussed our options and what we thought we should do, I shared some thoughts with JP that I want to share with you. I don't have to like that I can't conceive or carry a baby. I will still have times when I am sad about it because I truly feel that it is like a grieving process when you are faced with infertility. I also know that I can choose to be sad and mourn that loss so much that it totally consumes me or I can put on my "big girl pants" and we can make a plan and move forward. I have come to realize that it is more important to me to have a baby and for us to be a family that it is for me to be pregnant. How we get our baby is not what matters. Having the opportunity to be a family and raise a child with JP is what's important. I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my marriage throughout this entire process. I know that we are stronger people and our marriage is stronger because of it.
I still do not believe that "things happen for a reason". I think that's something people say to cope with their circumstances. I wouldn't change what we have done for anything. I know that we can lay our heads down at night and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we tried everything we could do to make this happen for ourselves. I will never think, "what if we had tried this?" because we did it all. Adoption is the next step if we want to have a family, and that's what we are choosing to do.
So, having said all that, I want to thank you for continuing to pray for us as we start down this path of our journey. We are excited and nervous at the same time! And we know we will have a baby, soon!!
After the last negative pregnancy test, I felt lost. I had believed that our time was finally here and when that wasn't the case, I didn't know what to think. We had a lot of quiet time around our house as we both searched to find our way out of the despair that surrounded us.
As you may know, that was our last chance at in vitro. My RE said we could do in vitro again but only with donor eggs. That means we could attempt to have a fertilized embryo that was not genetically mine, then transfer it into my uterus for me to carry. At first, I was totally for that option. My sister had offered to give us her eggs, so I thought, "Why not?" Jon was not comfortable with it, at all from the beginning. I felt like this was our only chance and would be that only way for me to carry a pregnancy. What a tremendous gift for my sister to even offer to us. But after much discussion, we decided against it. There were just too many factors to consider and the bottom line is that this is not just my decision to make. I have to consider my husband's thoughts and feelings as we make our way down this path. I want a child and I want to be a family but not at the expense of my marriage.
So, that left us with adoption, which is what we have decided to do. We have enlisted the services of an adotion law firm who has guaranteed us a baby. Now, of course, you have to keep in mind there are risks with this route, as well. Each state has it's own laws regarding infant adoption, which is a reason I felt using a law firm would be most beneficial to us. There will be no question whether or not all aspects of this will be legal. But in the end, we will have a baby and we will be a family.
The people we have dealt with so far have been amazing! We have spent a few hours on the phone with them in conference calls as we discuss the process and how things will work for us. At this point, we are waiting to compile our profile for birthmothers to view. This profile will be marketed on several web sites in order for us to be as marketable as possible. Because this law firm deals with birthmothers nationwide, the wait time is significantly less than if we had chosen to go through and adoption agency, who can only deal within the state they are licensed. Once our profile is complete, the average wait time to be chosen by a birthmother is 4 months, which is so exciting!!
As always, there is a fine, thin, grey line between being positive and realistic. There is always a chance, in this type of adoption circumstance that the birthmother could change her mind. However, because these birthmothers are provided with extensive couseling, the rate of success is extremely high. This is yet another reason I felt like this law firm was right for us.
We will start our home study process in a couple weeks, which is required for all adoptions. I have visited with a couple people who have been through the home study themselves and feel like I have a good idea what to expect. And yes, I know that we need a fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink!!! (That is required to complete the home study, fyi.)
As we discussed our options and what we thought we should do, I shared some thoughts with JP that I want to share with you. I don't have to like that I can't conceive or carry a baby. I will still have times when I am sad about it because I truly feel that it is like a grieving process when you are faced with infertility. I also know that I can choose to be sad and mourn that loss so much that it totally consumes me or I can put on my "big girl pants" and we can make a plan and move forward. I have come to realize that it is more important to me to have a baby and for us to be a family that it is for me to be pregnant. How we get our baby is not what matters. Having the opportunity to be a family and raise a child with JP is what's important. I have learned so much about myself, my husband and my marriage throughout this entire process. I know that we are stronger people and our marriage is stronger because of it.
I still do not believe that "things happen for a reason". I think that's something people say to cope with their circumstances. I wouldn't change what we have done for anything. I know that we can lay our heads down at night and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we tried everything we could do to make this happen for ourselves. I will never think, "what if we had tried this?" because we did it all. Adoption is the next step if we want to have a family, and that's what we are choosing to do.
So, having said all that, I want to thank you for continuing to pray for us as we start down this path of our journey. We are excited and nervous at the same time! And we know we will have a baby, soon!!
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