I was feeling pretty down a few weeks ago after a series of events that once again felt like my infertility and lack of ability to conceive was slapping me in the face! I had sent an email to our adoption consultant, Teri and shared some of my frustrations with her. I told her I felt like the wet laundry hung out to dry and it has started to rain and had been forgotten. I just feel forgotten sometimes, like my hopes and dreams of a family and to be a mother have been overlooked, like when you forget to go take the laundry off the line after it started to rain........but of course, Teri had some positive information for me that made me feel a little better. According to the control panel that tracks usage on one of our websites, it was viewed 78 times in the month of October!! They like to see pages viewed 60 times a month, which would be around twice a day. So, we surpassed that goal the first month our websites were live. That made me feel like at least someone is out there looking at us.
The hardest part of this is the waiting time we are in right now. When we made this decision to proceed with this, we had so many tasks to complete that I made a list. After we finished each item on the list, I was able to check it off and feel like we had accomplished something. When the list was complete, I was so proud of us for all we had done in such a short amount of time, ahead of the schedule they had proposed for us. But now, there's no list, nothing to check off, no tasks to say we have accomplished. I am very much a "list" person, so this is almost torture for me, like prisoner of war level of torture!
Now, we are half-way into the second month our websites have been live. Today is November 17 and as of 2:30 CST, our ANLC website has been viewed 28 times this month!!! I got tears in my eyes when I just looked that up. I don't expect anyone to understand what it feels like to have proof that someone is looking at you and deciding whether or not to choose you to be the parents to their baby. This is such an overwhelming process in so many ways and we have learned so much about ourselves and each other. I have never been a patient person and this truly isn't helping me, but I will wait FOREVER for my baby!!!
