Ripe for the pickin'

Here goes my friends, what you have all been waiting for!  We have been picked!!!  That's right people, we have been chosen by a birth mom to have a baby!!!!  We received a phone call last Thursday from the Adoption Network who presented us with this adoption opportunity.  I'm going to take a minute and share every single detail with you, so brace yourself!  It's my turn to finally tell our story!!
Last Thursday I rode with my friend Stephanie to her son Sam's first pediatrician appointment.  At 12:58pm, we were on 36 highway, headed east back to Chillicothe when my phone rang.  The caller id said "Private Number" which sometimes means work is calling me, so when I first looked at it, I actually contemplated not answering it.  Needless to say, I swiped my phone and answered with a mildly annoyed, "Hel-lo" thinking I was going to be asked to come into work on my day off.  The person on the other line said, "Jaime, this is Cynthia from Adoption Network."  I leaned forward, apparently that helps me hear better and I said, "I'm sorry, what?"  She repeated herself, then went on to say, "You have been chosen by a birth mother and I would like to share this adoption opportunity with you."  I yelled, "OH MY GOODNESS!!" and immediately started crying.  Remember my friend Stephanie, the one driving down the highway?  Well, at this point, I started smacking her arm, hyperventilating and attempting to speak through my tears.  She was terrified, thinking something was wrong!  She said, "Oh my gosh, Jaime, do I need to pull over?  Is everyone ok?  Do I need to call 911?"  I was finally able to speak, after I'm sure what seemed like an eternity to her and said, "It's the adoption people."  She cried out, "Oh my gosh!  Oh my gosh!" and proceeded to cry herself!  When I was finally able to speak again, I told Cynthia, "I'm having a hard time talking here."  She simply replied, "You take all the time you need, honey.  I love this part of my job!"
So, I finally got it together and said, "OK, I'm ready."  She instructed me to get a pen and paper so I could write things down.  The first piece of paper I grabbed has a Wal-Mart list on it, which is kinda funny.....Dove soap, moisturizer, trash bags/Nicole birth mom!
So, here are the details....Nicole is the beautiful birth mom who has literally chosen us to adopt her baby.  She lives in Santa Maria, California and is due July 17.  We were warned from the beginning that most of these ladies do not receive prenatal care until late in their pregnancy and Nicole is one of them.  She has been to the dr and her pregnancy has been confirmed.  She is supposed to have an ultrasound this Friday and hopefully, the baby will cooperate so we can know if we are having a boy or a girl!!  Since she is so far along, it may be difficult to visualize that particular area of the baby since there isn't much room for him or her to move around right now.
I'm kinda bouncing around here, but I want to tell you about how I told JP.  I walked right into Donaldson's, the steel factory where he works just like I owned the place.  The first person I saw was this kid named John and I got his attention and asked, "Where's my Jon?"  He pointed over to where JP was working and then walked out to the isle to escort me back to where JP was working.  He looked at me kinda funny and said, "Is he in trouble or something?"  You see, apparently when I'm emotional, I look pretty freakin scary.  As soon as I saw JP, I just started balling.  It was like all the emotions from the past 4 years of trying to have a family came boiling over and I could not control myself.  Well, back to the scary, emotional Jaime part....JP's first thought when he saw me crying and unable to understand what I was saying was that his mother had passed away.  So, when I finally got myself together and he figured out that I was saying, "We have been picked!  We are having a baby!" he hugged me.  Then, he quickly said, "Honey, you can't be back here."  So, as we were walking toward the front, I tried my best to tell him everything I knew through his ear plugs and over the tremendous noise of the factory.  We stood at the front door and he hugged me again, saying, "Honey, I'm so happy.  I love you." 
So, Stephanie took me back to my vehicle and I told her, "I'm just not so sure what I'm supposed to do."  I felt like Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights when he said, "I just don't know what to do with my hands."  Stephanie said, "OK, can you drive?"  I said, "Yes, I think so."  She said, "OK, you need to call your mom and you need to call Jennie.  Then, by that time, Jon will be home and you can 'discuss it' and you better call me later!" 
So, I called my mom, who was elated, then I called my dad and Jenna, who were also ecstatic!  When I called Jennie she was just beside herself and then I had time to call Julie before Jon got home from work.  Everyone was just so excited and supportive, it was amazing!  Parents, sister, besties were all notified by the time JP got home.  I was crazy cranked out when he got home.  Talking non-stop, tons of hand gesturing and a little bit of crying.  As you can imagine, it was a wild ride to go do chores that night!
So, I called Cynthia back Friday morning to let her know we were totally on board with this and that we were so excited.  We scheduled a conference call for Monday afternoon at 5 our time for us all to meet.  Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication between Nicole and her mother and she was unable to talk with us yesterday, so we rescheduled for today at 5.  I had been so nervous all day Monday, afraid that I was going to be a blubbering fool as I tried to communicate to this woman how unbelievably thankful I am to her for making such a brave choice.  I didn't want her to think, wow, this lady is nuts! 
We drove over to the farm, let the dogs out like every other day of our lives and started watering the cattle.  We went inside because, as I'm sure those of you who have talked to me on the phone while we are choring know, it can be hard to hear me while the bulls carry on like they are starving beasts!  Jon was sitting in his dad's chair in the farm house and I was on the floor.  While we were waiting, I said, "I think it's kinda cool that we are sitting in the house your dad was born in while we wait to talk to the woman who is going to make us parents."
The phone rang.....Private Number....I felt nauseated but I slid the bar down and answered.  Cynthia was on the line and said she had Nicole on the other line and that she was pretty nervous.  I simply said, "So are we!"  When I heard her voice for the first time, I simply could not contain myself.  I seriously got choked up.  There were several times during the conversation that Jon had to take over because I was just so overcome with emotion that I couldn't even speak.  Cynthia asked Jon and I a few questions, like what our lives were like growing up, how many siblings we each have, when we got engaged and whether or not our families are supportive of this adoption.  Basically, just get to know each other types of questions.  Then she asked Nicole why she picked us, the question I have been wondering ever since we got the phone call.  Why on earth would this woman from California pick these two country people from Missouri to raise her baby??????  Her answer is simply unforgettable....she said when she looked at our profile, she thought we looked so happy and that we really enjoy to be with each other.  She said the main thing that brought her to pick us was that we have a farm and animals and that it seems like we really like to spend time outdoors.  She said her mother always wanted them to live on a farm and they never would be able to do that so that was the deciding factor that led her to pick us.  What's so crazy is that all this time, I was so afraid that we would not get picked because we are country people and here we are, picked by this amazing woman for that very reason!  I'm just so humbled by this entire experience.  We have been chosen by this woman to adopt her child because we are who we are.....I'm not sure about you, but that just confirms to me all the more that this is right and this is part of our story.
So, hopefully, we will know if we are having a boy or a girl on Friday and maybe we can even locked down a date for delivery.  I do know that Nicole has an older child and had a c section with him, so there's a good chance we could have a scheduled delivery, which would make travel arrangements sooo much easier for us!
I wanted to tell everyone, shout it from the roof tops, put it on a bill board!  Instead, I'll just use this blog to finally share our good news!!  I will definitely keep you all posted with updates along the way.  For now, pray for us as we deal with the emotions that go along with this.  Pray for Nicole as she carries our baby and makes this very difficulty decision.  Pray for my sanity, Jon's patience and for us to continue to have a peace in our hearts about this situation.  Oh and it wouldn't hurt if you prayed for JP as he psychs himself up to fly...he doesn't do that well!!!

And life just goes on....

Well, another month has gone by and we haven't heard anything.  Interestingly enough, we received an email last month that basically stated if we were willing to adopt an African American baby, we had our choice of 5 specific babies who needed placed quickly.  At first, I thought it was a scam and totally freaked out!  I called Teri immediately and she said she had never heard of them using this type of communication before but would check into it.  She emailed back and said they have only sent an email like this once before but due to the overwhelming influx of African American mothers wishing to place their baby for adoption right now, they chose to send out this message to couples who have been waiting for awhile.  Then we received another email about a week later stating that all 5 of those babies had been placed!  I can honestly tell you I was so worried for those babies.  We have already made our decision as to what race we would like to adopt but I had a genuine concern for those mothers and babes and am so glad they have all found forever homes!
Speaking of forever homes, I sure would love to get a phone call saying we have been chosen.....I have had a difficult past couple days just feeling sorry for myself about this.  I'm sure you can understand this when I say it just doesn't seem fair that life has to go on while we wait for our dreams to come true.  It's like when you lose a loved one.  The sadness you feel is so overwhelming that you just have no idea how you could possibly go on.  Then real life happens.....you have to pay bills, clean house, do laundry, go to work, all those things that have to go on, whether you want them to or not, while your heart is breaking.  Sometimes you even think, how can these people walk around with smiles on their faces like they are happy when I'm so broken inside?  That's kind of how I've been feeling lately.
It's been almost a year since we decided to pursue adoption.  We figured up the other day that we have been working toward trying to have a family for almost 5 years now.  I never dreamed it would take this long to have a baby!  Especially when I know people who have had a few kids of their own in that time.  This feeling of jealousy/anger/disappointment has been overwhelming and all consuming at times.  Knowing that we will eventually have our baby is like the light at the end of the tunnel some days.
I don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer but I use this blog as an outlet to express my feelings, so here they are, unpolished and ugly as they may be.  Infertility SUCKS and trying to have a family is hard!  I'm so tired of having nothing to say when people ask me if we have heard anything about the adoption.  I can't wait to tell people we have been chosen and are finally going to have our family...