I haven't posted a blog in about a month, so I thought I'd write a quick "ditty" here. There isn't a lot to say, just that we are still waiting. You know when you go to the dr and you are waiting for test results. Your anxiety level is through the roof and your friends and family comfort you by saying, "Well, no news is good news, right?" This may be true in that circumstance but not in ours. We haven't heard anything from the Adoption Network yet.
I did look at our web page for December and it was viewed 46 times. I was disappointed and said to JP, "It was only viewed 46 times!" To which he said, "Yes, it was looked at 46 times, that's 46 times, honey." He is the positive one about this. I think it should be viewed no less than 60 times each month because that would mean it has been looked at about twice a day. I need numbers, values and explanations. He's so laid back that he looks at it like 46 times is better than 6 times. Then he said, "I wish you couldn't see that so you wouldn't have something else to worry about." I think he actually meant to say "obsess" instead of "worry" because that's what I'm doing. I have, however, limited myself to looking at the control panel to check the number of views to twice a month. I haven't looked at the numbers for January because I'm trying to wait until closer to the middle of the month....you know, so there will be more numbers on there!!
I wish I had something better to report! I wish I was on here saying we have finally been chosen and we have more information! I wish, I wish, I wish!!!
I am a huge fan of the show Private Practice and the episode this past week was about a character who has struggled with infertility and has decided to adopt. The show depicted her having her homestudy, then the very next day, her lawyer called and said a birth mom wanted to meet with her! I was sitting alone in the living room and said out loud, "Yeah right! Like that really happens!!" Then, after meeting the birth mom and,helping deliver her baby (remember, it's tv) the birth mom decided not to choose her because, despite how awesome she was as a dr. the birth mom was concerned about who would care for the baby while the dr was at work. Well, it was late, I was tired and that sent my very over zealous mind reeling!! I couldn't go to sleep because I kept thinking, "What if no one chooses us? What if we never get a baby? We think we are pretty great, but what if no one else does?" This led to a late night of anxiety and not much sleep. I talked to my bestie about it yesterday and she said, "Stop watching shows like that!!!" Who knew that one of my favorite programs would send me spiraling into and anxiety ridden, sleeplesss night.....all because I want so badly to be a mommy.
With that said, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps us in your prayers and asks how things are going. Please don't take offense if I snap at you when you ask if we have heard anything. My usual answer contains and eye roll, a sigh and a very frustrated, "NO!" That is not directed to you personally, it's just my feeble attempt to express my high levels of impatience as we wait to hear the wonderful news that we have been chosen to be parents!!!
We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year! Here's to a year full of change, surprises and happy endings for us all!!!
