Today was another opportunity for me to learn the very difficult lesson of patience. Nicole had a doctor appointment scheduled for 8:30 this morning, which was 10:30 our time. I was anxiously awaiting a report all day from either Nicole or Cynthia, our adoption advisor. I was disappointed to get a text from Nicole this afternoon that said she over slept and missed her appointment but it was rescheduled for the 18th!!!! That's 6 days away!!!! I was so anxious to get more information about the baby and the delivery that I was awake at 4am thinking about it. It has been a long time since I have lost this much sleep over something!!!
I was even more disappointed that she was so irresponsible that she didn't make it to her appointment. I emailed Cynthia and shared my frustrations and she reminded me that Nicole isn't the kind of responsible like I am or she wouldn't be in this situation. She also shared with me that this is normal behavior for girls who are giving their baby up for adoption. Their level of committment to having prenatal care is different than that of a woman who is pregnant and having a family by choice.
So, I began breathing deep and created a mantra that I basically chanted to myself and occassionally out loud. "I am not in control of this. Not everyone does things the way I do. It will be fine." I literally said this about 75 times today trying to talk myself down from the ledge of fear and doubt that I have worked so hard to stay away from! If I was pregnant, you better believe I would never miss an appointment. If I was pregnant, I would be sure to get early prenatal care. If I was pregnant, I wouldn't need someone like Nicole, who has made a few irresponsible decisions, so I can have a family.
So, today's lesson is this, I have waited this long, what's a few more days. As long as this baby is healthy, I will do everything in my power to make sure he or she is happy. Health, happiness and safety, what more does a child need? I will continue to wait and pray for this baby and Nicole as I have done since the hour I received that wonderful phone call.
Oh and just fyi, 5 weeks from today is the due date.......as my niece Emma says, "I so cited!!"
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Details..........
I thought I would do a quick update to answer some of the questions a few of you have posed to us. First and foremost, let me start by saying that the past couple of weeks have been so completely overwhelming! I have gone from totally crazy, freaking out because we don't have anything to just sobbing tears of joy that we are finally going to have our family. We have both had "our moments" to freak out over this and, as those of you who know us well are already aware, we each react totally different to most situations and this is no exception! The one thing we have in common is that neither of us are sleeping well and we both seem to always have a stomach ache now.
So, back to the common questions part......yes, we will be going to California in July to be there when our baby is born. Nicole has specifically asked that we are there when the baby is born and she has also stated that she wants me to be the first person to hold the baby. She has said that she does not want to see or hold the baby but I am prepared for her to change her mind when that day comes.
We have no way of knowing how long we will have to stay in California because both Missouri and California have to agree to let us come home, according to some special law about interstate adoption. They have told us to be prepared for 2-3 days after discharge from the hospital but that it could be up to 2 weeks. That part is kinda scary for us both but I think it will give us the opportunity for all 3 of us to get to know one another without any interference. Plus, it was recommended to us by the social worker that the first couple of weeks be just the 3 of us anyway to promote bonding. if we're in California, we won't have to say to anyone, "Go away, we need alone time." :-D
Nicole has another child and her reason for giving this one up is simply that she is aware that she can not support another child and she would like to go back to school and be a role model for her son. I think that knowing one's limits is a very couragous thing and this gal knows that if she keeps this baby, they will stay in the system and neither of the kids will have anything.
We have been in touch with Nicole ever since the phone call when we met her. She usually sends me a text every day, sometimes just asking what we are doing. The other night she asked what we were doing and I replied, "feeding our cows." She asked to see a picture and you know how much I love taking pics of those crazy beasts, so I had one right handy to send her!!
She has also said, more than once that she loves us and is glad to have us in her life. I had a brief moment of doubt and panic the other night and told Jon that I just can't help thinking that she can change her mind and there's nothing I can do about it! Not having any control over this situation is driving me crazy!! But, as my Grandma told me, early Monday morning when I couldn't sleep, "Honey, you are just going to have to give this to the Lord. You can't live in fear for the next couple of months." So, I'm trusting that this is right and this is where we are supposed to be and trying to stay calm and not panic........
After the baby is born, Nicole will be able to surrender her parental rights once she is no longer under any influence of medications from delivery. At that point, we will have legal custody of the baby and the only thing we will wait on is the approval to come home. All of the legal stuff will be taken care of in California and we will not have to return for that. A lawyer will deal with all of that for us, thankfully. Once parental rights are surrendered, Nicole can't "change her mind". That window is closed. The adoption will become final and we will celebrate "Forever Day" about 9 months later. We will have obligations that both the state of Missouri and California will require us to complete in that time frame by meeting with a social worker.
I will also be able to take maternity leave, just like I was having a natural child. I'm pretty excited about this! And I think it's pretty great that I have a few friends with babies close to the same age, so they will all grow up together!! What a group that will be!!!!
I can't tell you how humbled we have been the past couple weeks. I always knew that people were praying for us and wanting this to happen, but I didn't realize how many until we got the news and made it public. So many people have congratulated us and offered to do things for us while we are out of town. We are blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity and to have such a wonderful support system of so many people who love and care for us!!!
So, back to the common questions part......yes, we will be going to California in July to be there when our baby is born. Nicole has specifically asked that we are there when the baby is born and she has also stated that she wants me to be the first person to hold the baby. She has said that she does not want to see or hold the baby but I am prepared for her to change her mind when that day comes.
We have no way of knowing how long we will have to stay in California because both Missouri and California have to agree to let us come home, according to some special law about interstate adoption. They have told us to be prepared for 2-3 days after discharge from the hospital but that it could be up to 2 weeks. That part is kinda scary for us both but I think it will give us the opportunity for all 3 of us to get to know one another without any interference. Plus, it was recommended to us by the social worker that the first couple of weeks be just the 3 of us anyway to promote bonding. if we're in California, we won't have to say to anyone, "Go away, we need alone time." :-D
Nicole has another child and her reason for giving this one up is simply that she is aware that she can not support another child and she would like to go back to school and be a role model for her son. I think that knowing one's limits is a very couragous thing and this gal knows that if she keeps this baby, they will stay in the system and neither of the kids will have anything.
We have been in touch with Nicole ever since the phone call when we met her. She usually sends me a text every day, sometimes just asking what we are doing. The other night she asked what we were doing and I replied, "feeding our cows." She asked to see a picture and you know how much I love taking pics of those crazy beasts, so I had one right handy to send her!!
She has also said, more than once that she loves us and is glad to have us in her life. I had a brief moment of doubt and panic the other night and told Jon that I just can't help thinking that she can change her mind and there's nothing I can do about it! Not having any control over this situation is driving me crazy!! But, as my Grandma told me, early Monday morning when I couldn't sleep, "Honey, you are just going to have to give this to the Lord. You can't live in fear for the next couple of months." So, I'm trusting that this is right and this is where we are supposed to be and trying to stay calm and not panic........
After the baby is born, Nicole will be able to surrender her parental rights once she is no longer under any influence of medications from delivery. At that point, we will have legal custody of the baby and the only thing we will wait on is the approval to come home. All of the legal stuff will be taken care of in California and we will not have to return for that. A lawyer will deal with all of that for us, thankfully. Once parental rights are surrendered, Nicole can't "change her mind". That window is closed. The adoption will become final and we will celebrate "Forever Day" about 9 months later. We will have obligations that both the state of Missouri and California will require us to complete in that time frame by meeting with a social worker.
I will also be able to take maternity leave, just like I was having a natural child. I'm pretty excited about this! And I think it's pretty great that I have a few friends with babies close to the same age, so they will all grow up together!! What a group that will be!!!!
I can't tell you how humbled we have been the past couple weeks. I always knew that people were praying for us and wanting this to happen, but I didn't realize how many until we got the news and made it public. So many people have congratulated us and offered to do things for us while we are out of town. We are blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity and to have such a wonderful support system of so many people who love and care for us!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Ripe for the pickin'
Here goes my friends, what you have all been waiting for! We have been picked!!! That's right people, we have been chosen by a birth mom to have a baby!!!! We received a phone call last Thursday from the Adoption Network who presented us with this adoption opportunity. I'm going to take a minute and share every single detail with you, so brace yourself! It's my turn to finally tell our story!!
Last Thursday I rode with my friend Stephanie to her son Sam's first pediatrician appointment. At 12:58pm, we were on 36 highway, headed east back to Chillicothe when my phone rang. The caller id said "Private Number" which sometimes means work is calling me, so when I first looked at it, I actually contemplated not answering it. Needless to say, I swiped my phone and answered with a mildly annoyed, "Hel-lo" thinking I was going to be asked to come into work on my day off. The person on the other line said, "Jaime, this is Cynthia from Adoption Network." I leaned forward, apparently that helps me hear better and I said, "I'm sorry, what?" She repeated herself, then went on to say, "You have been chosen by a birth mother and I would like to share this adoption opportunity with you." I yelled, "OH MY GOODNESS!!" and immediately started crying. Remember my friend Stephanie, the one driving down the highway? Well, at this point, I started smacking her arm, hyperventilating and attempting to speak through my tears. She was terrified, thinking something was wrong! She said, "Oh my gosh, Jaime, do I need to pull over? Is everyone ok? Do I need to call 911?" I was finally able to speak, after I'm sure what seemed like an eternity to her and said, "It's the adoption people." She cried out, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" and proceeded to cry herself! When I was finally able to speak again, I told Cynthia, "I'm having a hard time talking here." She simply replied, "You take all the time you need, honey. I love this part of my job!"
So, I finally got it together and said, "OK, I'm ready." She instructed me to get a pen and paper so I could write things down. The first piece of paper I grabbed has a Wal-Mart list on it, which is kinda funny.....Dove soap, moisturizer, trash bags/Nicole birth mom!
So, here are the details....Nicole is the beautiful birth mom who has literally chosen us to adopt her baby. She lives in Santa Maria, California and is due July 17. We were warned from the beginning that most of these ladies do not receive prenatal care until late in their pregnancy and Nicole is one of them. She has been to the dr and her pregnancy has been confirmed. She is supposed to have an ultrasound this Friday and hopefully, the baby will cooperate so we can know if we are having a boy or a girl!! Since she is so far along, it may be difficult to visualize that particular area of the baby since there isn't much room for him or her to move around right now.
I'm kinda bouncing around here, but I want to tell you about how I told JP. I walked right into Donaldson's, the steel factory where he works just like I owned the place. The first person I saw was this kid named John and I got his attention and asked, "Where's my Jon?" He pointed over to where JP was working and then walked out to the isle to escort me back to where JP was working. He looked at me kinda funny and said, "Is he in trouble or something?" You see, apparently when I'm emotional, I look pretty freakin scary. As soon as I saw JP, I just started balling. It was like all the emotions from the past 4 years of trying to have a family came boiling over and I could not control myself. Well, back to the scary, emotional Jaime part....JP's first thought when he saw me crying and unable to understand what I was saying was that his mother had passed away. So, when I finally got myself together and he figured out that I was saying, "We have been picked! We are having a baby!" he hugged me. Then, he quickly said, "Honey, you can't be back here." So, as we were walking toward the front, I tried my best to tell him everything I knew through his ear plugs and over the tremendous noise of the factory. We stood at the front door and he hugged me again, saying, "Honey, I'm so happy. I love you."
So, Stephanie took me back to my vehicle and I told her, "I'm just not so sure what I'm supposed to do." I felt like Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights when he said, "I just don't know what to do with my hands." Stephanie said, "OK, can you drive?" I said, "Yes, I think so." She said, "OK, you need to call your mom and you need to call Jennie. Then, by that time, Jon will be home and you can 'discuss it' and you better call me later!"
So, I called my mom, who was elated, then I called my dad and Jenna, who were also ecstatic! When I called Jennie she was just beside herself and then I had time to call Julie before Jon got home from work. Everyone was just so excited and supportive, it was amazing! Parents, sister, besties were all notified by the time JP got home. I was crazy cranked out when he got home. Talking non-stop, tons of hand gesturing and a little bit of crying. As you can imagine, it was a wild ride to go do chores that night!
So, I called Cynthia back Friday morning to let her know we were totally on board with this and that we were so excited. We scheduled a conference call for Monday afternoon at 5 our time for us all to meet. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication between Nicole and her mother and she was unable to talk with us yesterday, so we rescheduled for today at 5. I had been so nervous all day Monday, afraid that I was going to be a blubbering fool as I tried to communicate to this woman how unbelievably thankful I am to her for making such a brave choice. I didn't want her to think, wow, this lady is nuts!
We drove over to the farm, let the dogs out like every other day of our lives and started watering the cattle. We went inside because, as I'm sure those of you who have talked to me on the phone while we are choring know, it can be hard to hear me while the bulls carry on like they are starving beasts! Jon was sitting in his dad's chair in the farm house and I was on the floor. While we were waiting, I said, "I think it's kinda cool that we are sitting in the house your dad was born in while we wait to talk to the woman who is going to make us parents."
The phone rang.....Private Number....I felt nauseated but I slid the bar down and answered. Cynthia was on the line and said she had Nicole on the other line and that she was pretty nervous. I simply said, "So are we!" When I heard her voice for the first time, I simply could not contain myself. I seriously got choked up. There were several times during the conversation that Jon had to take over because I was just so overcome with emotion that I couldn't even speak. Cynthia asked Jon and I a few questions, like what our lives were like growing up, how many siblings we each have, when we got engaged and whether or not our families are supportive of this adoption. Basically, just get to know each other types of questions. Then she asked Nicole why she picked us, the question I have been wondering ever since we got the phone call. Why on earth would this woman from California pick these two country people from Missouri to raise her baby?????? Her answer is simply unforgettable....she said when she looked at our profile, she thought we looked so happy and that we really enjoy to be with each other. She said the main thing that brought her to pick us was that we have a farm and animals and that it seems like we really like to spend time outdoors. She said her mother always wanted them to live on a farm and they never would be able to do that so that was the deciding factor that led her to pick us. What's so crazy is that all this time, I was so afraid that we would not get picked because we are country people and here we are, picked by this amazing woman for that very reason! I'm just so humbled by this entire experience. We have been chosen by this woman to adopt her child because we are who we are.....I'm not sure about you, but that just confirms to me all the more that this is right and this is part of our story.
So, hopefully, we will know if we are having a boy or a girl on Friday and maybe we can even locked down a date for delivery. I do know that Nicole has an older child and had a c section with him, so there's a good chance we could have a scheduled delivery, which would make travel arrangements sooo much easier for us!
I wanted to tell everyone, shout it from the roof tops, put it on a bill board! Instead, I'll just use this blog to finally share our good news!! I will definitely keep you all posted with updates along the way. For now, pray for us as we deal with the emotions that go along with this. Pray for Nicole as she carries our baby and makes this very difficulty decision. Pray for my sanity, Jon's patience and for us to continue to have a peace in our hearts about this situation. Oh and it wouldn't hurt if you prayed for JP as he psychs himself up to fly...he doesn't do that well!!!
Last Thursday I rode with my friend Stephanie to her son Sam's first pediatrician appointment. At 12:58pm, we were on 36 highway, headed east back to Chillicothe when my phone rang. The caller id said "Private Number" which sometimes means work is calling me, so when I first looked at it, I actually contemplated not answering it. Needless to say, I swiped my phone and answered with a mildly annoyed, "Hel-lo" thinking I was going to be asked to come into work on my day off. The person on the other line said, "Jaime, this is Cynthia from Adoption Network." I leaned forward, apparently that helps me hear better and I said, "I'm sorry, what?" She repeated herself, then went on to say, "You have been chosen by a birth mother and I would like to share this adoption opportunity with you." I yelled, "OH MY GOODNESS!!" and immediately started crying. Remember my friend Stephanie, the one driving down the highway? Well, at this point, I started smacking her arm, hyperventilating and attempting to speak through my tears. She was terrified, thinking something was wrong! She said, "Oh my gosh, Jaime, do I need to pull over? Is everyone ok? Do I need to call 911?" I was finally able to speak, after I'm sure what seemed like an eternity to her and said, "It's the adoption people." She cried out, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" and proceeded to cry herself! When I was finally able to speak again, I told Cynthia, "I'm having a hard time talking here." She simply replied, "You take all the time you need, honey. I love this part of my job!"
So, I finally got it together and said, "OK, I'm ready." She instructed me to get a pen and paper so I could write things down. The first piece of paper I grabbed has a Wal-Mart list on it, which is kinda funny.....Dove soap, moisturizer, trash bags/Nicole birth mom!
So, here are the details....Nicole is the beautiful birth mom who has literally chosen us to adopt her baby. She lives in Santa Maria, California and is due July 17. We were warned from the beginning that most of these ladies do not receive prenatal care until late in their pregnancy and Nicole is one of them. She has been to the dr and her pregnancy has been confirmed. She is supposed to have an ultrasound this Friday and hopefully, the baby will cooperate so we can know if we are having a boy or a girl!! Since she is so far along, it may be difficult to visualize that particular area of the baby since there isn't much room for him or her to move around right now.
I'm kinda bouncing around here, but I want to tell you about how I told JP. I walked right into Donaldson's, the steel factory where he works just like I owned the place. The first person I saw was this kid named John and I got his attention and asked, "Where's my Jon?" He pointed over to where JP was working and then walked out to the isle to escort me back to where JP was working. He looked at me kinda funny and said, "Is he in trouble or something?" You see, apparently when I'm emotional, I look pretty freakin scary. As soon as I saw JP, I just started balling. It was like all the emotions from the past 4 years of trying to have a family came boiling over and I could not control myself. Well, back to the scary, emotional Jaime part....JP's first thought when he saw me crying and unable to understand what I was saying was that his mother had passed away. So, when I finally got myself together and he figured out that I was saying, "We have been picked! We are having a baby!" he hugged me. Then, he quickly said, "Honey, you can't be back here." So, as we were walking toward the front, I tried my best to tell him everything I knew through his ear plugs and over the tremendous noise of the factory. We stood at the front door and he hugged me again, saying, "Honey, I'm so happy. I love you."
So, Stephanie took me back to my vehicle and I told her, "I'm just not so sure what I'm supposed to do." I felt like Ricky Bobby in Talledega Nights when he said, "I just don't know what to do with my hands." Stephanie said, "OK, can you drive?" I said, "Yes, I think so." She said, "OK, you need to call your mom and you need to call Jennie. Then, by that time, Jon will be home and you can 'discuss it' and you better call me later!"
So, I called my mom, who was elated, then I called my dad and Jenna, who were also ecstatic! When I called Jennie she was just beside herself and then I had time to call Julie before Jon got home from work. Everyone was just so excited and supportive, it was amazing! Parents, sister, besties were all notified by the time JP got home. I was crazy cranked out when he got home. Talking non-stop, tons of hand gesturing and a little bit of crying. As you can imagine, it was a wild ride to go do chores that night!
So, I called Cynthia back Friday morning to let her know we were totally on board with this and that we were so excited. We scheduled a conference call for Monday afternoon at 5 our time for us all to meet. Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication between Nicole and her mother and she was unable to talk with us yesterday, so we rescheduled for today at 5. I had been so nervous all day Monday, afraid that I was going to be a blubbering fool as I tried to communicate to this woman how unbelievably thankful I am to her for making such a brave choice. I didn't want her to think, wow, this lady is nuts!
We drove over to the farm, let the dogs out like every other day of our lives and started watering the cattle. We went inside because, as I'm sure those of you who have talked to me on the phone while we are choring know, it can be hard to hear me while the bulls carry on like they are starving beasts! Jon was sitting in his dad's chair in the farm house and I was on the floor. While we were waiting, I said, "I think it's kinda cool that we are sitting in the house your dad was born in while we wait to talk to the woman who is going to make us parents."
The phone rang.....Private Number....I felt nauseated but I slid the bar down and answered. Cynthia was on the line and said she had Nicole on the other line and that she was pretty nervous. I simply said, "So are we!" When I heard her voice for the first time, I simply could not contain myself. I seriously got choked up. There were several times during the conversation that Jon had to take over because I was just so overcome with emotion that I couldn't even speak. Cynthia asked Jon and I a few questions, like what our lives were like growing up, how many siblings we each have, when we got engaged and whether or not our families are supportive of this adoption. Basically, just get to know each other types of questions. Then she asked Nicole why she picked us, the question I have been wondering ever since we got the phone call. Why on earth would this woman from California pick these two country people from Missouri to raise her baby?????? Her answer is simply unforgettable....she said when she looked at our profile, she thought we looked so happy and that we really enjoy to be with each other. She said the main thing that brought her to pick us was that we have a farm and animals and that it seems like we really like to spend time outdoors. She said her mother always wanted them to live on a farm and they never would be able to do that so that was the deciding factor that led her to pick us. What's so crazy is that all this time, I was so afraid that we would not get picked because we are country people and here we are, picked by this amazing woman for that very reason! I'm just so humbled by this entire experience. We have been chosen by this woman to adopt her child because we are who we are.....I'm not sure about you, but that just confirms to me all the more that this is right and this is part of our story.
So, hopefully, we will know if we are having a boy or a girl on Friday and maybe we can even locked down a date for delivery. I do know that Nicole has an older child and had a c section with him, so there's a good chance we could have a scheduled delivery, which would make travel arrangements sooo much easier for us!
I wanted to tell everyone, shout it from the roof tops, put it on a bill board! Instead, I'll just use this blog to finally share our good news!! I will definitely keep you all posted with updates along the way. For now, pray for us as we deal with the emotions that go along with this. Pray for Nicole as she carries our baby and makes this very difficulty decision. Pray for my sanity, Jon's patience and for us to continue to have a peace in our hearts about this situation. Oh and it wouldn't hurt if you prayed for JP as he psychs himself up to fly...he doesn't do that well!!!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
And life just goes on....
Well, another month has gone by and we haven't heard anything. Interestingly enough, we received an email last month that basically stated if we were willing to adopt an African American baby, we had our choice of 5 specific babies who needed placed quickly. At first, I thought it was a scam and totally freaked out! I called Teri immediately and she said she had never heard of them using this type of communication before but would check into it. She emailed back and said they have only sent an email like this once before but due to the overwhelming influx of African American mothers wishing to place their baby for adoption right now, they chose to send out this message to couples who have been waiting for awhile. Then we received another email about a week later stating that all 5 of those babies had been placed! I can honestly tell you I was so worried for those babies. We have already made our decision as to what race we would like to adopt but I had a genuine concern for those mothers and babes and am so glad they have all found forever homes!
Speaking of forever homes, I sure would love to get a phone call saying we have been chosen.....I have had a difficult past couple days just feeling sorry for myself about this. I'm sure you can understand this when I say it just doesn't seem fair that life has to go on while we wait for our dreams to come true. It's like when you lose a loved one. The sadness you feel is so overwhelming that you just have no idea how you could possibly go on. Then real life happens.....you have to pay bills, clean house, do laundry, go to work, all those things that have to go on, whether you want them to or not, while your heart is breaking. Sometimes you even think, how can these people walk around with smiles on their faces like they are happy when I'm so broken inside? That's kind of how I've been feeling lately.
It's been almost a year since we decided to pursue adoption. We figured up the other day that we have been working toward trying to have a family for almost 5 years now. I never dreamed it would take this long to have a baby! Especially when I know people who have had a few kids of their own in that time. This feeling of jealousy/anger/disappointment has been overwhelming and all consuming at times. Knowing that we will eventually have our baby is like the light at the end of the tunnel some days.
I don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer but I use this blog as an outlet to express my feelings, so here they are, unpolished and ugly as they may be. Infertility SUCKS and trying to have a family is hard! I'm so tired of having nothing to say when people ask me if we have heard anything about the adoption. I can't wait to tell people we have been chosen and are finally going to have our family...
Speaking of forever homes, I sure would love to get a phone call saying we have been chosen.....I have had a difficult past couple days just feeling sorry for myself about this. I'm sure you can understand this when I say it just doesn't seem fair that life has to go on while we wait for our dreams to come true. It's like when you lose a loved one. The sadness you feel is so overwhelming that you just have no idea how you could possibly go on. Then real life happens.....you have to pay bills, clean house, do laundry, go to work, all those things that have to go on, whether you want them to or not, while your heart is breaking. Sometimes you even think, how can these people walk around with smiles on their faces like they are happy when I'm so broken inside? That's kind of how I've been feeling lately.
It's been almost a year since we decided to pursue adoption. We figured up the other day that we have been working toward trying to have a family for almost 5 years now. I never dreamed it would take this long to have a baby! Especially when I know people who have had a few kids of their own in that time. This feeling of jealousy/anger/disappointment has been overwhelming and all consuming at times. Knowing that we will eventually have our baby is like the light at the end of the tunnel some days.
I don't mean to sound like Debbie Downer but I use this blog as an outlet to express my feelings, so here they are, unpolished and ugly as they may be. Infertility SUCKS and trying to have a family is hard! I'm so tired of having nothing to say when people ask me if we have heard anything about the adoption. I can't wait to tell people we have been chosen and are finally going to have our family...
Friday, March 9, 2012
The emotional roller coaster rises again....
I was at work today and noticed I had a missed call on my cell from an unknown number with a voicemail. I checked the message and it was from Teri, our adoption consultant, saying she wanted to visit with us about our information. Of course, I was nervously excited and couldn't wait to return her call! I quickly called Jon on my way out to my car and said I would wait to call Teri back until I was home so we could both listen. I basically ran through the grocery store to pick up what I needed and called her back immediately, only to reach her voicemail. She did call back within 20 minutes and did not have the news I wanted. I foolishly thought this would be "the call", the one telling us we have been chosen and are finally going to have our baby. Much to my dismay, this was purely information gathering. She had an adoption advisor review our information to check for any obvious red flags to a birth mom or any gaps that would cause us to fall between the cracks. There was only one thing that they could come up with that may increase our chances and that was for us to say we are ok with an immediate adoption. We discussed this with her and have decided that we would be open to that.
An immediate adoption would be when a woman has a baby and decides to contact the adoption law firm while in the hospital. There are a few down sides to this, including that there isn't time for the birth mom to provide the 25 page questionairre that the other mothers are required to fill out. Another negative is that there is not much decision or preparation time. In this type of situation, we would get a phone call from the adoption lawyer stating there is a baby available somewhere within driving distance and we would go there immediately to take the baby home from the hospital. The positive aspect is that 7% of the babies they place are from immediate adoption situations, so this has increased our opportunity of being chosen. I know 7% doesn't sound like much, but to us, that's HUGE!!
She also reminded us of the steps we will go through once we are chosen and once again, set our minds at ease regarding this process. Waiting is so terribly difficult for us but I keep trying to remind myself that they are very skilled professionals and they are working very hard to make sure we are put together with the right baby. If you know me at all, you know that letting someone else be in control of anything of this level of importance is extremely difficult for me!
On a positive note, there have been a total of 9 birth mothers who have specifically asked for our information from the adoption lawyers. This means, they found our web pages and contacted Adoption Network specifically wanting to know more about us. Now that is exciting to hear!
I can honestly tell you that every morning when I wake, I wonder if today will be the day we get the phone call that will change our lives forever. Here's hoping that day comes soon!!
An immediate adoption would be when a woman has a baby and decides to contact the adoption law firm while in the hospital. There are a few down sides to this, including that there isn't time for the birth mom to provide the 25 page questionairre that the other mothers are required to fill out. Another negative is that there is not much decision or preparation time. In this type of situation, we would get a phone call from the adoption lawyer stating there is a baby available somewhere within driving distance and we would go there immediately to take the baby home from the hospital. The positive aspect is that 7% of the babies they place are from immediate adoption situations, so this has increased our opportunity of being chosen. I know 7% doesn't sound like much, but to us, that's HUGE!!
She also reminded us of the steps we will go through once we are chosen and once again, set our minds at ease regarding this process. Waiting is so terribly difficult for us but I keep trying to remind myself that they are very skilled professionals and they are working very hard to make sure we are put together with the right baby. If you know me at all, you know that letting someone else be in control of anything of this level of importance is extremely difficult for me!
On a positive note, there have been a total of 9 birth mothers who have specifically asked for our information from the adoption lawyers. This means, they found our web pages and contacted Adoption Network specifically wanting to know more about us. Now that is exciting to hear!
I can honestly tell you that every morning when I wake, I wonder if today will be the day we get the phone call that will change our lives forever. Here's hoping that day comes soon!!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I finally have a better reply!!!!
Yesterday, while I was reloading my phone after the "Great Cellular Crash of 2012", I noticed I had an email from our adoption consultant with the subject line stating "Marketing Update". I wasn't too thrilled to open it because they had told us that after our web pages were up for 3 months, we could make any changes we would like to them. I thought that was what the message was regarding.....I was wrong.
Apparently, in the month of December, 3 birthmothers contacted them and specifically requested more information on us! Another birthmother requested our info in January, as well. She said that is not counting the email information they have sent out about us that has been requested because they have no way of tracking that. She also said that this was such great news because December is usually a very slow month, so despite that, we were requested by 3 mothers!!!
She went on to state that how the process works is after they receive the info about us, they are also asked to return 6 pages of info about themselves and 5 pages of info on the birthfather, along with a copy of their identification and a medical release allowing the adoption agency to "verify pregnancy". Since there are a few things required, it takes some birthmothers awhile to return the info and others don't return it at all. Once the agency receives the information from the birthmothers, they compile and compare that with the information we have given them to determine if we are a good match. In explaining this process over the last couple months, I have compared it to match.com and how they take the info from 2 parties and determine if they will be a good fit. The same principle applies here.
Once it is determined that we would be a good fit with someone, we will be contacted by our adoption advisor to present us with the adoption opportunity. They purposefully do not tell us about every birthmother, in order to make this process easier for us. As we have learned in the past several months, this journey can lead to a lot of heartache and disappointment when someone says, "I'm thinking about having you adopt my baby but I'm not sure yet." So, odd as it may sound, I am glad they have these steps in place, for our protection. This keeps us from getting our hopes up every time someone asks about us because we know that there is so much more to selection process than merely asking for information.
I was so encouraged by this news! I had really started to become disheartened that no one was going to choose us and it would be forever until we have our baby. But now, it looks like things are working they way they should and again, we have to be patient. It's amazing how this seemingly tiny bit of information has changed my attitude so quickly! I can finally have an answer, other than, "UGH! Nothing!" when someone asks, "Have you heard anything about the adoption yet?"
Apparently, in the month of December, 3 birthmothers contacted them and specifically requested more information on us! Another birthmother requested our info in January, as well. She said that is not counting the email information they have sent out about us that has been requested because they have no way of tracking that. She also said that this was such great news because December is usually a very slow month, so despite that, we were requested by 3 mothers!!!
She went on to state that how the process works is after they receive the info about us, they are also asked to return 6 pages of info about themselves and 5 pages of info on the birthfather, along with a copy of their identification and a medical release allowing the adoption agency to "verify pregnancy". Since there are a few things required, it takes some birthmothers awhile to return the info and others don't return it at all. Once the agency receives the information from the birthmothers, they compile and compare that with the information we have given them to determine if we are a good match. In explaining this process over the last couple months, I have compared it to match.com and how they take the info from 2 parties and determine if they will be a good fit. The same principle applies here.
Once it is determined that we would be a good fit with someone, we will be contacted by our adoption advisor to present us with the adoption opportunity. They purposefully do not tell us about every birthmother, in order to make this process easier for us. As we have learned in the past several months, this journey can lead to a lot of heartache and disappointment when someone says, "I'm thinking about having you adopt my baby but I'm not sure yet." So, odd as it may sound, I am glad they have these steps in place, for our protection. This keeps us from getting our hopes up every time someone asks about us because we know that there is so much more to selection process than merely asking for information.
I was so encouraged by this news! I had really started to become disheartened that no one was going to choose us and it would be forever until we have our baby. But now, it looks like things are working they way they should and again, we have to be patient. It's amazing how this seemingly tiny bit of information has changed my attitude so quickly! I can finally have an answer, other than, "UGH! Nothing!" when someone asks, "Have you heard anything about the adoption yet?"
Saturday, January 7, 2012
When No News Is Not Good News......
I haven't posted a blog in about a month, so I thought I'd write a quick "ditty" here. There isn't a lot to say, just that we are still waiting. You know when you go to the dr and you are waiting for test results. Your anxiety level is through the roof and your friends and family comfort you by saying, "Well, no news is good news, right?" This may be true in that circumstance but not in ours. We haven't heard anything from the Adoption Network yet.
I did look at our web page for December and it was viewed 46 times. I was disappointed and said to JP, "It was only viewed 46 times!" To which he said, "Yes, it was looked at 46 times, that's 46 times, honey." He is the positive one about this. I think it should be viewed no less than 60 times each month because that would mean it has been looked at about twice a day. I need numbers, values and explanations. He's so laid back that he looks at it like 46 times is better than 6 times. Then he said, "I wish you couldn't see that so you wouldn't have something else to worry about." I think he actually meant to say "obsess" instead of "worry" because that's what I'm doing. I have, however, limited myself to looking at the control panel to check the number of views to twice a month. I haven't looked at the numbers for January because I'm trying to wait until closer to the middle of the month....you know, so there will be more numbers on there!!
I wish I had something better to report! I wish I was on here saying we have finally been chosen and we have more information! I wish, I wish, I wish!!!
I am a huge fan of the show Private Practice and the episode this past week was about a character who has struggled with infertility and has decided to adopt. The show depicted her having her homestudy, then the very next day, her lawyer called and said a birth mom wanted to meet with her! I was sitting alone in the living room and said out loud, "Yeah right! Like that really happens!!" Then, after meeting the birth mom and,helping deliver her baby (remember, it's tv) the birth mom decided not to choose her because, despite how awesome she was as a dr. the birth mom was concerned about who would care for the baby while the dr was at work. Well, it was late, I was tired and that sent my very over zealous mind reeling!! I couldn't go to sleep because I kept thinking, "What if no one chooses us? What if we never get a baby? We think we are pretty great, but what if no one else does?" This led to a late night of anxiety and not much sleep. I talked to my bestie about it yesterday and she said, "Stop watching shows like that!!!" Who knew that one of my favorite programs would send me spiraling into and anxiety ridden, sleeplesss night.....all because I want so badly to be a mommy.
With that said, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps us in your prayers and asks how things are going. Please don't take offense if I snap at you when you ask if we have heard anything. My usual answer contains and eye roll, a sigh and a very frustrated, "NO!" That is not directed to you personally, it's just my feeble attempt to express my high levels of impatience as we wait to hear the wonderful news that we have been chosen to be parents!!!
We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year! Here's to a year full of change, surprises and happy endings for us all!!!
I did look at our web page for December and it was viewed 46 times. I was disappointed and said to JP, "It was only viewed 46 times!" To which he said, "Yes, it was looked at 46 times, that's 46 times, honey." He is the positive one about this. I think it should be viewed no less than 60 times each month because that would mean it has been looked at about twice a day. I need numbers, values and explanations. He's so laid back that he looks at it like 46 times is better than 6 times. Then he said, "I wish you couldn't see that so you wouldn't have something else to worry about." I think he actually meant to say "obsess" instead of "worry" because that's what I'm doing. I have, however, limited myself to looking at the control panel to check the number of views to twice a month. I haven't looked at the numbers for January because I'm trying to wait until closer to the middle of the month....you know, so there will be more numbers on there!!
I wish I had something better to report! I wish I was on here saying we have finally been chosen and we have more information! I wish, I wish, I wish!!!
I am a huge fan of the show Private Practice and the episode this past week was about a character who has struggled with infertility and has decided to adopt. The show depicted her having her homestudy, then the very next day, her lawyer called and said a birth mom wanted to meet with her! I was sitting alone in the living room and said out loud, "Yeah right! Like that really happens!!" Then, after meeting the birth mom and,helping deliver her baby (remember, it's tv) the birth mom decided not to choose her because, despite how awesome she was as a dr. the birth mom was concerned about who would care for the baby while the dr was at work. Well, it was late, I was tired and that sent my very over zealous mind reeling!! I couldn't go to sleep because I kept thinking, "What if no one chooses us? What if we never get a baby? We think we are pretty great, but what if no one else does?" This led to a late night of anxiety and not much sleep. I talked to my bestie about it yesterday and she said, "Stop watching shows like that!!!" Who knew that one of my favorite programs would send me spiraling into and anxiety ridden, sleeplesss night.....all because I want so badly to be a mommy.
With that said, I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps us in your prayers and asks how things are going. Please don't take offense if I snap at you when you ask if we have heard anything. My usual answer contains and eye roll, a sigh and a very frustrated, "NO!" That is not directed to you personally, it's just my feeble attempt to express my high levels of impatience as we wait to hear the wonderful news that we have been chosen to be parents!!!
We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year! Here's to a year full of change, surprises and happy endings for us all!!!
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